To my dear Anonymous............. Answers!

1. Which blogs so you follow and enjoy?
http://californiasoulblog.wordpress.com/
http://thelifeandtimesofpeyton.blogspot.com/2007_07_01_archive.html
http://lovesexpizza.blogspot.com/
http://newyorkdixie.blogspot.com/
http://minneapplegirl.com/
http://crazyadventuresinny.blogspot.com/
http://lifebyaleah.blogspot.com/
http://highheelshappyhour.blogspot.com/
http://tragedytwentysomething.blogspot.com/
http://emmasendeavors.blogspot.com/
http://lilysplaylist.blogspot.com/2014/05/aint-it-fun.html
http://hotmessinhighheels.com/2014/05/17/pillows/
http://lovelifela.wordpress.com/

I keep up with all of these blogs and I think they are all great. They inspired me to start mines!

2. Is your blog 100% real?
~ Yes every single detail, nothing added or deleted. Hence no sex scenes! Ive been sexless since my divorce, so no action whatsoever ( except when Dante tried to seduce me my bday weekend!) lol but yep this is me from the inside out bearing my life.

3. Why did you start this blog?
~ I was reading my other blogs I frequent and one is actually real i think its Peytons, and I was like I have alot of crazy ish that happens to me, I should write about it. Then I thought it would be nice to get other opinions on these things, I havent gotten an outpour of comments yet but Im looking forward to when people really care about what I have going on!

4. What are seeking in terms of a relationship?
~ No clue! Right now I need to get my own self in line. Im not completely innocent in my divorce. I have faults as well Im a brat. I wouldnt mind a boyfriend, but Im not going out looking, for right now just interactions are good. Next time Im taking everything super slow anyway.

5. Isn't it weird still being friends with men from your past?
~Nope. Its always been that way with me, Im a good person and they ALWAYS come back! lol

6. What do you enjoy doing in your free time, excluding hanging out with your friends or child?
~I read ALOT, i love books. I travel when I can. My travel buddies are usually Dani and Wendy. And Im big on eating, thats the key to my heart. But im pretty regular, just basic things really.

7. What's your favorite food?
~Buffalo wings hands down

That was kind of fun, thanks Anonymous!

Q & A????

Anything that anyone would like to ask me?
Any questions on the blog, or me in general?
Just figured it might be cool to do a question and answer segment, in case there was something specific anyone might want to ask.
If so ask away! Ill repost with all the questions and answer them all together in a posting.
If not then :( lol
Hope everyone is having a great Thursday!

Mark!

It was August 2003. I was a fresh 18 years old and away from home for the first time ever for college. I had met a few girls in my dorm and that evening we were in the “café” which was the campus-dining hall. Being a country girl at heart, I had my hair tied up in a scarf and I looked around lost into the sea of people for a seat. My new friends were still in line and I hurried to the first empty table I saw feeling accomplished.

“Can I sit here?” a guy asked. He was definitely not a freshmen, he looked confident, and mature. I immediately punched myself for thinking it was okay to wear a scarf into a public atmosphere. This is not down south Jaycee, you have to be presentable when you step out! I scolded myself in my head.

“No” I said and looked down at my tray.

“No?” the guy asked, sitting down anyway “That’s not nice at all”

What the crap did he want, he was making me nervous I had had one serious boyfriend, but all through high school I was Scary Mary I dodged guys like a plague. I just wasn’t into them. I was not gay but Kendall dealt with enough guys for the both of us. Kendall was the opposite in high school. Her parents were super strict and she lashed out whenever she good. I lived my non-sex life through her super active sex life and that was enough for me! However, Kendall wasn’t here to save me, and neither were my new friends to make this less awkward.

“You’re a little cutie what’s your name, little cutie?” he leaned closer and smiled at me again.

“Jaycee, my friends call me Jace though” I was still looking down. He told me his name was Mark and he was a Junior.

Somehow, we managed a conversation and he left the table with my number. My friends finally showed up and that was that. Mark called me and once I went over to his place off campus. Nothing happened but he did tell me “You can’t stay over again until you are ready”.

“I am ready” I had already stayed a few times, what the heck was he talking about?

“No…… I mean READY” he emphasized the word.

Ohhhhhhh he meant sex. I definitely wasn’t ready and I steered clear from Mark for a while. I was still a virgin. That winter though I lost my virginity to my high school sweetheart and I came back to school distressed. I had ruined my “waiting til marriage goal”. Eden was around by then bugging me but of course, I didn’t like him at that point yet.

One day I cramped over in pain, and I ended up having to get surgery. I had cyst on my ovaries. We were still out for winter break and I was staying at my friend off campus apartment. Mark suggested I come stay with him so I wouldn’t be alone and I quickly said “NO! I’m not READY!”

He laughed an insisted and said it wasn’t a big deal. I ended up staying there the rest of winter break, well into my recovery. His house was fun. He had 2 other roommates who I’m super cool with till this day.

One day I am in the shower there and I hear someone come in. No biggie, probably Mark brushing his teeth or something. Then the shower curtain pulls back and Mark steps in. WHAT IS GOING ON!? I panic, no one has ever seen me completely exposed. I play it cool as he washes me up and I haul tail out of that bathroom ASAP. But I can’t shake the feeling I have, and I’m almost “ready”.

Eventually we have sex and I have the time of my life with Mark that summer. He was from up North where some of my family lives, and every now and then he would drive me up to see them. He took me to his hometown and I meet his family. We are just hanging out, but there are no titles. I’m big on titles at this point in my life. But he isn’t wavering. Hea a young guy, they never want girlfriends and he tells me all the time, he wouldn’t do right by me so it was best we keep things as is.

But what I can’t ever forget is he always looked out for me even after we fell off and I got with Eden. I see him every year at Homecomings and there’s always a smile or two and a hug we share. Mark was special.

Therefore, it was only right I let him know I was coming into town soon, and I suggested we get up. He was excited to my surprise. He works for the city and is the city’s accountant. Not bad right? Any who we chat about my visit and I tell him I’ll see him soon. I did not expect to hear from him till the weekend. But yesterday I get a text.

Mark: You will be here in 4 days.

Me: 3 days 20 hours 10 minutes and 49 seconds to be exact.

He laughs and we get into a text convo, just talking about our day and our kids. He has an older child. The convo gets deep and he hits me with his favorite line.

Mark: You always gonna be my Jace, Long as you remember that we are always going to be good. You can call me at anytime, I have a special place in my heart for you and I care about your happiness.

Ugh, why are all the good ones so far away. That is when he Facetimes me, and I’m up for the next hour and a half talking to him. The conversation flowed, we didn’t get into anything too deep, trying to save the details of everything for when we meet up. He still had assumed I was married until I told him the day before. Needless to say, I can’t wait to get out of town this weekend!

Him, and HIM, and oh HiM too!

Eden’s back……..

It started Sunday, I really felt like I looked hot this weekend so I sent him some pics of Baby Boy and threw one of myself in there with the message “Heyyyyyyy from “us” and our weekend!”

Eden: Love y’all man!

Eden: Especially u

Me: *hearts” we love ya too with cha non birthday buying gift self

Eden: U’ll see

Me: We will be up North this weekend and all next week try to come hang for a day at least when you off. Would love to see you

Eden didn’t reply but he inserted a YouTube link to Leona Lewis’s “Bleeding Love” video. Now stop right now and go watch it and you can see how my eyes misted a little, not a lot just a tad bit. Sweetest thing ever. But I wasn’t falling for his crap and I intended to let him know.

Me: Nice song

Eden: Me to you

Me: Actions speak louder than words baby….. dwell on that.

Eden: Song makes me think of you to the fullest

Me: Goodnight

That was Sunday night I thought that would shut him up but today the shenanigans continue with a “GM” text. I replied with the same two letters and carried on with my day, when I checked my phone again there he was.

Eden: u really living man…

Me: Why you say that?

Eden: U just look like your summer is super lit, what are you doing

It really is though, and I let all my Instagram followers know. I’m single for the first time in four years and I’m LOVING it, no arguments, no disappointments, no whining husband, I just love it! I’m lonely but I love it!

Me: It is I’m the fun gal lol I’m at work though, feel free to hop on my bandwagon at any time J

I really meant “Your girlfriend is lame and boring, realize it and move on pronto!”

I sent him a pic of Baby Boy using the potty and he immediately replied back.

Eden: Awwwww he using the potty, he looks mischievous. I love him, my lil man. He makes me not even care for a girl anymore.

For as long as I can remember, he wanted a little girl. Most men wanted boys but not Eden, but Baby Boy was enough to make anyone switch to team boy, and I’m not just saying that cause he’s my kid!

Why oh why could I shake this dude? I don’t even want to get to rambling on him so next topic.

My male bff , Jamison, works at this “big job” here in my city and he just called me all happy.

“Hi beautiful“ he started. I did not have time for his ish today.

“What Jamison I know you want something so get to it!” I fussed.

“Can’t I call it how I see it to my beautiful best friend?” he continued laying it on thick.

I didn’t respond and he got the clue that I didn’t want to BS around today.

“Ayyyye, I got good news!” Jamison smiled through the phone. I still did not answer, get to it already was my thinking.

He caught my drift and carried on “I’m going to be seeing Ray like every day, he’s out of training and moving to my unit.”

“Eff do I care for? I still haven’t heard from him since Saturday so screw him, Im done” I said with the head tossing and lip smacking included. Ray made me so angry.

“I like him for you Jace, you shouldn’t let this one go” Jamison for some reason thought Ray was a effing God. Never mind the fact, he didn’t return calls and had basically stood me up. He still wanted me to pursue him. I was not about to chase this dude and I told him so. He went on about how him and his gold digger had a falling out the night before and had broken up. Just 24 hours ago he was asking me for my nail tech’s info because he treated to a spa day “just because”. Must be nice. Obviously was a waste of money though because she was coming to pack her things after work he said. I had a beep and ended the convo.

It was Wells Fargo reminding me to pay Cam’s car note, that didn’t involve a car. THIS is why he irked me, now I had to fork over $200 for a car he sold last year every month because, he of course, could not pay it. Little things like this piss me off when I think of Cam, he just was always costing me some way or another. I had spoken to him occasionally and he still was asking questions about us.

After work Jamison called and we decided we were all gonna go out for dinner, me him, Kendall, and my cousin who recently moved into town. I didn’t hang out with her like that but obviously she was fond of Jamison. They had met my birthday week and had been keeping in touch. I guess with his god digger dumping him he wanted a little female attention. They could have at it.

Dinner went well and when I got home, Dante had called a couple of times. I really didn’t feel like being bothered with him and I blew him off. I didn’t NOT like him because he was actually very attentive. He called or texted every single morning to wish me a good day. He called in the afternoons soon as he got off and he always asked about Baby Boy. He had really tried to step it up. However, my gut instinct was telling me something was off with him. He did try to explain the night at his aunt’s house. I told him I was never coming over there again, I was being dramatic about that but so what. He admitted he had gotten carried away and it had been awhile for him in that department. That night still made me cringe, nonetheless.

Turns out, he had stopped by to say hey but I was already in my nighties so I played it off like I saw the missed calls super late. It was a rough night anyway. Baby boy woke up hollering and was up for over an hour. I was desperate ad I even ended up calling Cam. Not that he could do much but I didn’t know if maybe hearing his voice would soothe him or not, maybe he was missing his dad. At that hour, I was willing to try anything. Cam never answered though.

 I was super tired this morning, and as much as I like to say it was my sons fault I couldn’t place all the blame on it. It also might have something to do that I was up late Facetiming an old boo from college :)

Yep time for another introduction!

Weekend Recap

First things first: No call from Ray. How do I feel about that? Honestly, who gives a eff? Okay I do but I’m not dwelling on it like I usually would have. People make time for what they chose too, I have to come to terms with that once and for all!

Next, Jake actually got a few conversations from me this weekend, for whatever reason he thinks I’m so special. I have not even done anything. Imagine if I actually put forth some effort! He would be head over heels; clearly it doesn’t take much to please him. Not going to dwell over him too much either.

Saturday I had gotten all dressed up and literally had NOWHERE to go. Kendall was going to a pleasure party and I hated those things. So I bailed on her and swung in Food Lions parking lot instead. I could not wait all day to see if Ray would show so I opted for some spicy “Wing Zings” in their bakery department. Now, if you have a Food Lion in your city, and feel free to thank me now, go there and try these little chicken wing sensations. They are so good and they cook them fresh. You get 10 for $4.53. Can’t beat that!

I got my chicken wings and swung by one of my BFFS house. We sat and talked and Instagram’ed for the remainder of the day before I decided to call it a night at 11:30. I decided to wash my hair since I was up, and the night ended on that note.

I did 8:00 service at church the next day and once Baby Boy got home, we went to the football field to watch my friend’s son practice. I was SO putting him in sports soon as he hit age 5. We all got Slurpee’s afterwards and then I got a text from one of Cam’s male cousins.

Cousin: Where is Mr. Baby Boy?

Me: Right here drinking a Slurpee

Cousin: We are all at Olive Garden. Are you going to be home later?

He listed himself, his mom, his dad, Cams sister, another aunt, her daughter, and a few more relatives of theirs as being present. I decided it might be better for me to just go to them so Baby Boy could see everyone at once. I never wanted them to feel like they weren’t a part of his life. Even though a lot of them didn’t make an effort I definitely did when I could. Cousin said that would be perfect so I busted a U-turn and headed to the restaurant.

It was definitely a big dinner event when we arrived, and after pleasantries, it was not even that bad. I planned on saying hey, a few hugs and leaving, but we ended up staying for hours. Cam’s sister and I weren’t friends but we hung out on occasion because we had boys the same age. Sometimes we did things together and sometimes with the boys. She got Baby Boy a lot for sleepovers, and she really was a sweet person, probably one of my favorite family members of his.  She was not consistent though; sometimes we would see her every other weekend, then maybe not again for another month or two, my only pet peeve with her.

After everyone had eaten, we took a bunch of pictures and let the kids run around. It was a good time I will admit. However, I could not help but think of Cam. He never would have done this. For one he would not have had the money to go out to dinner. Just saying. In addition, for two he was always complaining about his family drama. His aunt had invited us to a cookout a few weeks ago and he hung up on her. He had claimed he was mad because she had said something behind his back. So, he wasn’t as family oriented as he could have been and I didn’t like that at all. They did have a lot of drama, but what families do not? Doesn’t mean we can’t get together every once and a while to catch up and be merry!

After I got back home and got my kid into bed I sent Cam a Facebook message and told him I got together with his family. I also told him his cousin was expecting a baby. Turns out that is what the big dinner was all about. He read the message but never responded. Bitter much?

Mistakes again?

It's 8:22 p.m. and Ray still hasnt called or texted to let me know we are still on..... or off. I know I sound desperate. But I swear this is the same ish I was dealing with when we were talking the first go round. I was always on his time.

I spent all day in bed napping on and off and dodging Jakes calls. He never wamted anything anyway.  He kept sending me pictures of purses. Was this going to continue and for how long? It was starting to get weird. I finally hopped out of bed around 5 ish and threw on a black crop top with some colorful bottoms and my black leather Michael Kor sandals. Seriously he was my summer theme. I adored his collectiom this season! I pulled my wild hair into a headband and let my curls run wild. I looked dangerously adorable with nowhere to go.

Baby boy was with my mom for the weekend, so I went to see them for a bit. He wasnt worried about me though. Now im sitting in one of my bestfriends rooms gossiping amd wondering WHERES MY EFFING DATE!?!?!?!

Sorry this post is short just me venting about my day so far blah blah blahhhhhhhh

Ray Woes :)

Jake bought me another Michael Kors bag. Its so pretty, a beautiful hot pink, that matches these MK sandals I bought earlier this year. He bought it over to Kendall’s that night before he went to work and that was that. But later for Jake, I’ve got some scoop!

Time to do a little history lesson people.

Last December the week of Christmas another BFF of mines, Tish, was begging me to go to some holiday party with her. She didn’t even work for the company throwing it but it was one of those jobs that everyone in the city worked for. Like a Power Plant or Shipyard. The go-to job, every city probably has one and it employs thousands, mostly guys.

Tish was heavyset and absolutely stunning. She dressed her weight so well, but I could tell it still bothered her. Tish was older then me by a year and we had been friends and enemies at one point. But we were back on track now and had been for the past few years, she was even in my wedding party.

Any who the holiday party was at some local bar and I grudgingly got dressed in a red H&M fitted dress and black leather ankle booties, and fishnet stockings. I had this leather blazer I was obsessed with during the fall and winter and I threw that over my dress, grabbed a designer clutch and raced outside of my high rise to meet Tish. I LOVED my high rise by the way. It was extremely overpriced but it screamed “fancy”.

We made it to the bar and the first person I see is my male best friend Jamison. Jamison is SUPER SUPER cool. He was the nerdy type growing up, but those types are usually the ones who it all works out for. He was single and constantly trying to mingle, and even though he had been a nerd, he was quite the catch these days. He had some new girl he was seeing and me and Kendall despised her. Jamison was extremely l;oose with his cash and this chick totally took advantage. She was there that night too, being extra and staking her claim. We had to get rid of her quick. I made a mental note to tell Kendall this floozie was once again being a nuisance.

I posted up beside Jamison and his friends and looked around the scene. It was good to be in the presence of employed men for once. Me and Cam were not together and he was down south having a good old time, it was time for me to start doing the same. Jamison offered me a drink and I nodded no, I wasn’t big on drinking. Once I turned back around a guy we went to high school with had came over and was chatting with Tish. I knew him but not KNEW him if that made sense. I definitely didn’t remember him from high school, but I knew I was familiar with him. I promise this is important! His name was Ray. He gave me and Tish quick hugs and kept it moving. I didn’t think anything of it until an hour later.

You know how you can feel someone staring, I turned until I spotted the culprit and there was Ray checking me out. He was definitely cute, about 6’5, 6’6, chocolate and in shape. He had to work out 8 days a week, 25 hours a day. I smiled and looked away. It felt good to know I still could catch an eye.

The night ended soon after that and we were on our merry way. Two days later I had to take Baby Boy to the emergency room, he had been running a fever and wasn’t keeping anything down. While we waited for the doctor to diagnose him, Tish texted me.
Tish: Someone has a crush on you.

Me: Who?

I wanted to know but I wasn’t amused, I had my fair share of guy drama with Cam, no need to add another no good nothing to the list, and he was probably no good.

Tish: Im not telling you just wanted you to know someones interested!

Why do people do that, that irked my darn nerves and sent me to irritation mode in .5.

Me: So what the eff did you even bring it up for Tish? BYE!

Tish: Ok, ok, its Ray

Me: Who?

Tish: Ray….. we saw him the other night remember?

Me: Nope

Tish: Jaycee quit, you know Ray, he went to high school with us he use to be really short and skinny now he’s all built and tall

That explained a lot, the little turd had grew up!

Me: Well how do you know?

Tish: Ummm he hit me up on KIK asking if you were seeing anyone, I said nope, because technically that marriage of yours is over if you ask me, this is perfect.

Me: Does he know I have a baby?

That was my new biggest fear when I considered moving on. How would people react to me being a mom? I mean of course they had to accept it, Baby Boy was here to stay, but still I didn’t know how to bring it up, do I just blurt it out? “Hey, Im Jaycee, I have a son!” or wait and try to ease it in. Dating was not my cup of tea I have ALWAYS been in relationships, they were so much easier.

Tish: I don’t know prob not Jace, I’m not telling him, what do you want me to say?

Me: Give him my number, tell him text me

So she did and 5 minutes later I get a text that was quick huh, usually people waited a few days, or at least a few hours. We chatted and chatted and chatted, and it just so happened we were off the whole week of Christmas. The convo took place on a Sunday and by Monday he was taking me out on a little dinner date. It went cool, he picked me up and I finally bought up the children topic. If he seemed turned off he didn’t show it.

Turns out he was really into working out and eating right, so on Christmas I took my little butt to the grocery store and the arts and crafts store and whipped up a homemade fruit basket. I was proud of myself. I tried to buy one honestly, but I couldn’t find the crap anywhere. He came over to get it and of course thought I was super sweet and we went on our separate ways for the holiday. We got back up that night, which was Christmas night. After doing the family thing me and Kendall went to Fridays. I told her I wanted her to peep our interaction so I invited him up and he came. We were so awkward but I still liked him nonetheless. I think we were both just shy, someone had to be the aggressor!

Over the next month we hung out….. a lot. It was Winter and we got a lot of snow this year so work was being shut down left and right, how cute was being snowed in together?
He would to come to me moreso because of Baby Boy, I didn’t let him see him at first I’d tell him he could come over after 8 p.m. when Baby Boy went to bed. And if we were going out Baby Boy was usually with my mom for the weekend. I loved hanging out with him but the chemistry was off. It was always awkward still.

But we were so cute. He would come over and cook dinner, or he’d stay over and I’d wake up and make chicken and waffles (only thing I could cook really, I got a waffle maker as a wedding gift). We went double dating with his friend once and he took me to his parent’s house, they weren’t there though so that probably doesn’t count for anything.

But the point is we were hanging really tight when we could. He was in school for his job and of course I worked and had the kid. So we made it do what it did. Once he got to my apartment and Baby Boy was still up so he saw him for a few minutes but nothing major at all. Baby Boy was super suspicious though and had no kick it for him lol. Mommie’s protector!

Then out of nowhere he started to distance himself until he was just……. Gone.

Did someone tell him something? Were we moving too fast? Was I making him mess up in school? Was it because Valentines Day was coming up? Guys do dumb mess like that to avoid having to buy a gift you know? I tried to hit him up and he would respond but something had definitely changed. We had never been sexual, he had told me it never took him a month to sex a girl and in my mind I’m thinking it had never taken less then 6 months for a guy to sex me. But he insisted I was worth holding off for because he liked me a lot. I was scary as crap, and because I started so late I always felt inexperienced when it came to sex. Kendall, Tish, Wendy, and Dani all seemed like porn stars in the bedroom. They made it seem so fun and I’m all like “Sex is so overrated”. So I assumed maybe I was just boring. Anywho he had ate me out once and afterwards just stared at me and it crossed my mind that MAYBE he was waiting for me to return the favor. NOT HAPPENING!
Lol I wasn’t even all that impressed with his oral sex and THAT was my thing. Either way we were done and for a while it bothered me.
Then Cam ended up getting a really good job as an Engineer for this huge big name company and we were starting to get on a good foot.

Clearly that did last and now we are back to present day. Last night me, Kendall, and another friend went to see ‘Think Like A Man Too”. It’s worth seeing but I wouldn’t give it 5 stars. Kevin hart makes the movie, super funny. While they were getting refreshments, I get to thinking about Ray.

It’s literally been months since we spoke. In March he sent a “Hope you get better text” when I was sick, and in April I sent a “Just checking on you text”. That’s it. I get some balls and text him.

Me: Are you ready?

I cut my phone off and watch the movie and by the time its over it’s almost midnight. I remember my phone is off and I turn it on only to see 0 messages. Well that was a genius idea Jaycee. 10 seconds later my phone is buzzing and all my missed messages are coming in at once. I go straight to the one that matters.

Ray: Lol what you mean?

Me: What the eff happened to you?

Ray: Should be asking you the same

Me: Well are you finally ready to tell me how you fell off my bandwagon?

Ray: The same way you fell off mine, how have you been?

We keep that up and say we have crossed each others mind and eventually he asks if I want to link up. I look at Kendal for her approval knowing better.

“Its after midnight Jace, you haven’t talked in months, you know what happened when you linked up with Dante after midnight last weekend, you almost got got!” she laughed.

I didn’t….. I was still traumatized from him whipping his dick out and thinking we were going to have sex that night, yuck.

I told Kendall he was right…… but I told Ray it could be arranged. I yawned acting like I was oh so tired and hauled tail out of there.

I didn’t go see him though, I went to sleep like a good girl an this morning he texted me.

My response: What time are you picking me up? You owe me a birthday outing!

Let’s see where the wind blows us the 2nd go round,  even though I’m still unclear what went wrong the 1st go round!

CHARACTER LIST :)

Baby Boy: My extremely adorable baby boy, whose almost 2!

Cam: Ex- husband....... no further comments

Cee: Fling/ Boyfriend from right after college, after Eden, 1 child, has a girlfriend but won’t call her that. Keeps in touch.

Dani: BFF, lives 3 hours away with boyfriend, met in college, she would give her left leg for me, her family owns a company so she works there for now.

Dante: Out of towner. Comes to “work” at his family’s business, hits me up, we just text, and speak on the phone daily but he’s no biggie either.

Deacon: Older guy, we go to the same church, have been knowing him since high school, hes in the Navy and all around good catch, good job, no kids, own house and cars, just not really my type, but I dig him!

Derik: Who I should’ve married, 1 child, works for CSX if you are familiar, lives in same city as Dani, bought me the Mother’s Day flowers (Super Sweetie)

Eden: College Boyfriend, 1st love, lives up North in NY, has a girlfriend, his high school sweetheart, will not let me be, so I’m always keeping in touch with him :(

Jake: High school friend. Buyer of many gifts it seems. Likes me and seems as though he is going to try to buy his way in my life, super sweet, but way too giving.

Jamison: BFF from grade school, never ever ever have been in any type of romantic affair, hes extremely close with me and Kendall both.

Jaycee: Yours truly! (Blogger in training)

Kendall: Cousin, my main buddy, who I’m usually with 24/7, same age, she’s single with no children and has a heart of freaking gold I swear. You all would LOVE a Kendall in your life.

Mark: College boo right after high school boyfriend, but right before Eden happened, lives up North, one child

Mya: College friend, old roomie, lives in DC delivers babies, boyfriend, no children.

Ray: Met Christmas week 2014..... talked for a few then he vanished.

Reagan: Friend from high school, new mommy, extremely self-conscious. We don’t hang a lot, Ill touch on that later.

Randall: I met Randall in 6th grade and he crushed on me every since. he bought me gifts every holiday and chased me around the neighborhood as kids. I tried to take him seriously as I got older but it didnt work. Randall is 1st cousins with one of my bestfriends, Tonie.

Tahj: Dani's boyfriends friend, not important really just a little flirting, he has no purpose in my life honestly.

Tay: BFF, mean as crap, horrible attitude, but shes been around since high school, One son.

Taylor: Mixed BFF, lives in same city, friends since 11 years old, we hang out on occasional but not on the regular.

Tonie:  BFF. We met in high school, I LOVE her familym they ahve always beensuper cool. We dont hang out alot but I'm her daughters God mother, we usually get up around birthdays and holidays.

Tish: BFF since 9th grade. We have been friends and foes. Heavyset, single, no kids, somehow ways manages to snag a good guy but cant hold on to them!

Wendy: BFF from Jersey, met in college in 2003, one of Baby Boys god mothers, she’s a teacher, no kids, single depending on what day of the week you ask her :)

I believe that is all I have mentioned so far, I’ll come back and add people as they enter and exit, or flashback into my life.

Is this how a character lists goes? Just kidding, thanks again ladies, you all are great!

Its so hard to say goodbye........

Monday mornings………………….

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” my eyes screamed. Then my lips smiled when I realized I was still off work. I did a little shimmy between my sheets, rolled over to stretch, and ended up hitting my friend Wendy in the head. Wendy had driven the farthest to celebrate with me; she lived about 7/8 hours away. She yelped and slapped my arm and we laughed together.

I sat up and jumped. Cam was standing in the center of my room. I was pissed with him; last night when I laid down we got into a huge whispering argument. Do you know how hard it is to “whisper yell”? It hurts your nostrils trust me.

“Why weren’t you answering your phone earlier?” he had asked.

“Why are you asking me questions, get out my room!” I hissed back.

“Don’t fucking dismiss me I ain’t gotta go no damn where, I’ll ask what I want to ask!” his eyes got enlarged and of course his nostrils flared.

I laughed. We were cussing were we? I did not curse though, I thought it was so unladylike. I know I know some of you will say I do plenty of other things that are not lady like, but so what I don’t like cursing, sue me!

“Get out my darn room Cam I’m tired” I waved him off.

“Answer the question and I’ll leave” he offered.

“I’m not answering jack and you are still going to exit left, so be gone” I hissed again.

“You think you all that, with your spoiled ass, you ain’t shit! You think just because you work and can pay bills on time you doing something special, you don’t cook, you don’t clean, you don’t even do your own laundry, and what do you have to offer someone Jaycee?”

The nerve! Ok, I was extremely offended. Yes, I lived back at home, but this was the FIRST time I had been back since I left for college 11 years ago. Furthermore, I was here by choice not by force, until I could figure out if I was getting a job promotion or not. I have always lived on my own and taken care of myself. So who the eff did he think cooked, cleaned, and did my laundry all those years? Jesus himself? He had the audacity to stand there and call me anything but a child of God and I told him so.

“Are you serious? I take care of a child BY MYSELF that I did not make BY MYSELF, and you are standing here trying to scrutinize me when you yourself are living in MY FAMILYS residence contributing NOTHING! I have plenty to offer just nothing to offer YOUR BUM SELF!” I did hiss a little louder during this speech. Nevertheless, I was pissed, he really must be drunk or on some type of drug. My mom appeared at the door by then and he stomped off.

Not even 10 minutes rolled by before he was texting me apologizing. I was so over it, and mad at myself for even letting him take me out of my cool element. I turned my ringer off and fell into a deep sleep. That’s how I woke up to Wendy the next morning.

Cam decided he was going to be petty and would not get Baby Boy dressed for daycare that morning, so instead of arguing, I did it myself and me and Wendy went to drop him off. Dani and her boyfriend were still there and I passed them in the living room on our way out and told them we would be right back. While we were out Dani suggested we hit the beach and take some flicks and get lunch before everyone left to go back home. Great plan!

We got back, had breakfast and headed to the beach strip, great part about where I stayed was it was close to a famous beach strip that attracted tourists and my friends thought I was bomb.com for having such quick access to it when they came to visit. We made Dani’s boyfriend capture us jumping in the air for Instagram flick and they came out awesommmmmme lol. We took some selfies and laughed about the weekend before deciding on lunch at Hooters. Once we got settled in out booth I read a text from Cam.

Cam: I’ll be leaving at noon on Wednesday to go back down South. I prob won’t make Baby Boys birthday party next month, maybe we can rotate and I can get him for his next birthday.

I did not even warrant him with a response. If he wanted to be petty so be it, I had my child with me so I had no worries. I had told him I had no problem with him getting him for a week every month, but I was not financing it as I had done in the past. He would have to figure out how he would get him and return him. No more Ms. Nice Mommy, people were too ungrateful. I was not going to stop him from being in his life but I also was not going to break my neck anymore. It was Cam’s turn to step up and figure out how to be an active father on his own. Sucks to say this but I wasn’t holding my breath on the next time he would probably see Baby Boy if it depended on him making a way.

My friends all left after lunch and I headed back home. It was so quiet so I opted for a nap, I felt like I had barely slept all weekend.

I ended up being home the next day too and treated my car to an oil change and some maintenance work. Cam did end up saving me some money on the maintenance work, being that his friend worked on cars. I could tell he was going out his way being extra because he knew he had effed up this weekend. I have been at work all week now and nothing eventful has happened yet. Okay I am lying, something did happen yesterday, I was going to leave it out, but what fun would that be! I went to Kendall’s after work to help her pack since she is moving next week. I had just ordered Pizza Hut (By the way they have an amazing deal for $8.99: Medium pizza, Breadsticks, and Cinna Stix!) when my phone rung.

 It was Jake…………….. he wanted to drop me off something………..

Birthday Weekend cont'd......

Like I said before Dani’s boyfriend was also celebrating a birthday, or maybe I didn’t say it. Either way now you know. Therefore, he had a few of his friends with him, as a matter of fact I KNOW I mentioned it before. One in particular, which I know we talked about Tahj. The worst idea for the cookout was to take shots. Cam took plenty and didn’t eat a thing because he wasn’t “officially invited”. His words not mines. So he was being stubborn and not eating anything, when there was plenty. He had been complaining to everyone who would listen how he had cut the grass and set up for the cookout but was never appreciated. I mean you did not pay rent, you did not work, did you have something better to do? Sorry I’m working on my attitude towards Cam, I never wanted to kick anyone while they were down but I was bitter. All evening he went from person to person telling them about his dilemmas and how he didn’t know what he was going to do and asking them did they think he had a chance with me still. People that probably never even knew we were having problems from jump. I tried to ignore it and enjoy my evening but unfortunately, that didn’t work. My mom rushed in the house and had told us that Cal was outside in the guy’s faces. I ran out to see what that was all about.

“All I’m asking is are you a man?” Cam slurred, “Cause if you are and you trying to talk to my baby momma and smiling in my face I have no respect for you!”

Can I pause right there? I absolutely, positively, without a doubt, HATE that word “Baby momma” and “Baby daddy too” it’s so tacky! So that alone had pissed me off. He went on rambling and luckily the guys seemed to be more amused than offended. Tahj was just looked and another friend finally spoke up and asked “Is that your lady?”

“ Nooo. No. No she’s not but that’s not my point, don’t smile in my face and drink with me if you like her!” Cam argued.

This was so stupid and I told them they were all stupid for standing there listening to him. Eventually and older cousin of mine tried to separate it because this was in our neighborhood and we never had drama like this, at least not on the street. However, that only escalated into a hug argument. Ten minutes later, I was running in the house crying because of frustration and embarrassment. So many people there should not have seen that happen. Some of my friends followed me inside and for a while, we just sat there quietly while I sobbed. This was pathetic and exactly why it was best that Cam go his separate ways once and for all, we could not cohabitate under these circumstances.

I got myself together and of course by then people had scattered and left, but a good chunk of my close friends and immediate family were still there. Cam had taken off and I was glad I was truly pissed with him. I got Baby Boy ready for bed and decided to take a drive to cool down. I ended up at Dante’s place. Well not his place, but his aunt’s, that is who he was staying with while he was in town. He came outside, we chatted for a bit, and he kept trying to get me to come inside. I told him repeatedly I had company and really should have never stopped by but he was not letting up. So I finally gave in and I feel absolutely DUMB about that. I was being so naïve. So what if he’s saying he doesn’t want to do anything, OF COURSE he wants to its midnight, he’s a guy, I’m a woman, and there’s a bed. Dumb dumb dumb Jaycee.

 We get in and he wastes no time in giving me a massage (that felt like heaven might I add, so that part was so worth it). Eventually we start to kiss, and I really didn’t want to but he wasn’t bad at it so what the heck? Before I know it, he has one leg out of my pants, and is massaging my middle.

 In my mind I’m yelling “JAYCEE RUN!” but my body isn’t listening, I think its scared. I crack open an eye and I see he has whipped his member out and is trying to get my hand on it. Negative! I felt like I was in high school. I pushed him back, jumped up, and got myself together.

 “I have to go, you have a great night” I stood up.

I didn’t care if he followed me or not, I just wanted to be out of there, but he did. That completely turned me off from Dante and after he walked me to my car, I got Dani and Kendall on three-way immediately and replayed the story as I drove home.

“Yikes, he totally ruined the sunrise watch you all pulled off the other morning” Kendall laughed.

“Totally” I hung my head, “I am so embarrassed y’all like why did I even go in there? I felt like he snuck me in and then tried to pull a fast one on me with the whole cuddle talk” I sighed and laughed into my cell.

“You are 29 and getting snuck into the auntie’s crib” Dani joked “Grow up Jaycee, you don’t have to put up with that!”

We laughed some more until I pulled up at home and decided to call it a night. Low and behold as soon as my head hit my pillow there was Cam trying to apologize. Could this night get any worse?

Birthday Part 2

That night was all a blur and as we all filtered to Kendall’s house my phone started to blow up. Kendall had offered to let all my out of town friends crash at her house since she had the space. So, it was going to be one big sleepover. Bonus: Cam would not be there!

I rubbed my eyes and glanced at my phone an saw it was Dante. Dante was a newbie. I had met him in February. We knew OF each other but we did not know each other, and somehow we were already friends on Facebook. So in February I was out celebrating a birthday with a friend and we saw each other and briefly spoke. Well he went out his way which I thought was weird but we were leaving so I brushed it off. I don’t know how long it was after but he eventually Facebook’ed me and we chatted for a bit before he asked for my number. He lived in a different state and was only in town about once a month for work. So all we ever did was hit and misses for a while.

This particular night he asks can he stop by to say Happy Birthday. I’m thinking he could just say it on the phone but I’m a little tipsy so I say what the heck and he beats me to Kendall’s. I made sure everyone got in, settled, and waltzed back outside. I got inside his truck and for a while we just talked about my night, an then he tried to get all romantic on me.

“We should just sit out here and watch the sunrise” Dante suggested.

“For what?” I asked, I was sleepy it was already 4 in the morning I wasn’t watching anyone’s sunrise, or so I thought.

We actually got into a deep conversation and I started to get to know him outside of our random texts and calls about nothing. He was Muslim, I’m a Christian. I don’t get into religion debates with people and I was glad he wasn’t debatable about his as well. He did not have kids or anything, versus me having Baby Boy, but he wanted plenty. Me on the other hand,  I think I’m good with one. A loud voice in the street made me jump and I looked over to see Dani racing to the truck. She grilled Dante for about 10 minutes an warned him he better not pull off with me in the truck before her boyfriend came outside to get her. Before I knew it the freaking sun had come up, it was 7 a.m.! I didn’t even know I had that much “talk” in me. I hugged Dante and told him I really had to go. Dante was actually really cool, and I kind of liked him so I sent him a text and told him so.

His reply was: I LIKE YOU A LOT TOO, NO “KIND OF” INVOLVED.

Needless to say I didn’t sleep too much that morning, I had hopped in Kendall’s bed with her but by 9:26 we were back up. I needed to check on Baby Boy and I wanted everyone up and dressed by 11, because the wine festival was starting then and noon was the latest I wanted to arrive.

We made it to the wine festival and had a blast and went shopping an next up was a comedy show featuring a famous comedian. I was so stoked because at the end of the night, he posed with me solo and he put up a Instagram picture of me and all my friends! I felt like a million bucks. We went to a local bar after that on a strip and decided to indulge in some shots. That got the party started and we ended the night with a bang.

Judge us if you want, but we got up an got the kids and headed to church first think Sunday morning, afterwards we decided to have a Birthday Fish Fry for me before everyone left. Good idea right? That’s where EVERYTHING went wrong………………….

Birthday Girl! Pour it up, Pour it up!!

Yayyyyy Happy Birthday to me! This is probably going to take a few post but I'm going to start from the top. Ready? Set? Gooooo!

Friday morning I woke up in a ball of nerves. And it wasn't because all my friends were touching down that day. It was job interview day. I had been tossing and turning all night. I dont know why I get that nervous, but it happens. I jumped out of bed and asked Cam to get baby boy ready for daycare. He was in one of his moods I guess and instead of even letting him get on my bad side I just did it myself and left to drop him off. I got back home in record time and spent my last hour before the interview "studying" potential questions. 
The interview went........ shoot I have no clue I guess we will find out how it went when I get a job offer huh? But thats over with and it was time for birthday fun FINALLY. 

I went to my closet and pulled out the MACYS bag and thought back to the day before. My mom and I had went to get pampered and had a spa day. We decided to go see my aunt and as I pulled up Jake calls.

"Hey I have your bag, I have work tonight so where can I drop it" he asked. 

I knew it was coming by now I had a decision to make, to take or not to take? Jake noticed my hesitance and spoke again "It's just a birthday gift, I wanted to do it trust me".

So I did. Call me all the bad names now but I took the bag. It wasnt the highest one (Thank you Lord) he got me the MK Crossbody bag, and its adorable. He left his receipt in the bag so I dont know if that was tacky or not. But hey some of you will think Im tacky for accepting it, I'm human! It was a whopping $156 bag. Which isn't the most expensive by far but its also not a regular birthday gift. I get that. We will work on my Birthday etiquette at a later date.... promise!

Any who Friday was here and my first friend that touched down was Wendy from New Jersey. Me and Wendy had met in college and she was a firecracker but a ball of fun. Her mouth was just as slick as mines and she was one of Baby Boys god mothers. She never missed an event or holiday, she was awesome all the way across the board. Next up was Mya, she lived in D.C and we had also met in college. Mya delivered babies..... how cool is that? She is the sweetest person ever and was my roommate in college. She hands down was the best roomie ever. My other BFF Dani, of course, was late, so we began to get dressed and headed to meet Kendall and the rest of the gang at the happy hour location.

Now let me put my disclaimer: I surprise myself every single time I have an event. I always question whether people will show up. I mean I'm a good person and I know that by it warms my heart each time my friends show me how much they appreciate our friendship. With that said about 50 of my friends and associates showed up that night. We ate, drank, and were merry. And then I saw Cam.

Im not gonna leave a cliffhanger but I was pissed. He was with my brother too. I continued to take Instagram flicks with my friends and tried to block him out before he blew my high. Because it was a given that he would in fact do that. 

Low and behold about 15 minutes later I hear someone whispering in my ear "So is that your new friend you talk to?" My blood instantly boiled. I will go down in history and state that 75 percent of the reason Cam and I broke up has to do with his insecurities. He's suspicious of EVERYONE and in his mind females should never ever like ever have a male friend. I rolled my eyes and ignored him. Honestly I didnt even know who he was referring too. There were a ton of guys I went to high school with. None of which I've ever dated so screw Cam and his effed up mentality. My brother ended up telling me they were even suppose to be there. My mom had let Cam use the car to drop my brother off at a friends and they cam pass. But it gets worst. They paid $25 to get in. You can pay $25 to get in a club to be nosey and see what Im doing but you can't give me 25 cents towards taking care of our child? Priorities are a non factor for Cam but Im sure none of this crossed his mind. Things like this are a major turnoff.

We had only planned to stay at the happy hour for 2 hours. But when I looked back at my phone it was midnight. We raced outside to head to another lounge. When we got outside Dani had showed up finally! She was with her boyfriend and a few of his friends. We all hopped in our cars and went to the next location. Me and Dani played catch up by taking shots, I couldve standed to let her do that alone. But I didnt! We laughed and danced and had a good time. Her boyfriend also had a birthday so he was celebrating as well. He had bought his best friend along for the fun. His name was Tahj. Tahj had Facebook'ed me the day before and kept it up all day. I had told Dani it felt flirtatious but he was still on the innocent side of the fence. He was a little weird but cute, and extremely nice. I wasnt trying to marry him or anything just taking notes. Tahj built airplanes but he was an artist as well. In my drunken state I sashayed  (probably stumbled) over to Tahj and danced with him for a few. 

It was really an awesome night. Cam hadnt followed us and the crowd had slimmed down by then. Everyone decided we should consume food so we headed out to breakfast afterwards and thats where I tapped out. They gave me Birthday ice cream and cake and the laughs continued. So far there had been no drama and everyone was saying how much of a good time they were having. Too bad that didnt last......

Whoever you are.... thanks!!

Did one of you pray for me or something?

I know I asked for help in one of my post and I received a call about a job interview this week!!!! Thank you job angels J Of course it’s not a guaranteed position just an interview but the thought makes me happy in these dull times, so wish me luck. I’m still not quite sure how to answer the “What are your weaknesses… Why do you want to work here?” questions but I am going to research my butt off before the interview and I’ll take your tips as well people! It’s for the same agency just a different position and in a different city. That will work, it’s about an hour away in a MUCH bigger city then I live in now but still close to home so I can live with that.

On to another topic, Jake. This isn’t me getting defensive AT ALL! I’m glad I am finally getting comments on my life outside of the grammatical errors. Someone had said I may be a bit unlikable now because I’m using Jake. Am I? I would like to think I’m the sweetest little thing ever. I really do not think I’m using him. It’s funny because I battled accepting it too, because this isn’t the first nor second gift. So technically, I could have been receiving a lot by now if my intentions were faulty. Besides that, I had this same conversation with Kendall. I suggested what if I really ended up liking Jake, like in the future? In the past, anyone I have become serious with (i.e. Eden, Cee) I did not like in the beginning. Those are the ones for some odd reason that have longevity. The guys I am smitten over from jump never go anywhere. So maybe Jake is husband #2! Okay I’m kidding I’m totally not searching for hubby #2, but I’m just saying, we could hit it off……… maybe?

Is accepting a birthday gift that big of a deal if I have been honest with him about how I feel? Let me show you the text I sent matter of fact. This was to Jake on the topic at hand and his response:

Me: I don’t want you to think I ignore you or anything. I’m just bad at communicating I guess. Usually I’m at work, then I have Baby Boy so by the end of the day I’m beat. Then as far as dating people. I don’t want to rush into anything ‘cause clearly I was just with someone for 4 years so I’m moving super slow the next go round because I just don’t want to waste anyone’s time or have them waste mines. Know what I mean?

Jake: True, I understand I’m not trying to rush either just going with the flow. You are cool peoples so I mean I know you are just getting out of something

Now I don’t mean to toot my own horn, but “TOOT TOOT”. I thought that was extremely mature of me, just so we could be on the same page. So if Jake wants to buy a birthday gift then GO JAKE GO!

Lol but of course that’s just my opinion, does it really seem like I’m taking advantage? Those are so not my intentions. I just didn’t see any harm in taking the gift if I was upfront about everything.

On another note Eden is checking for me, what is that all about? He was whining because I haven’t returned calls since Sunday. Ummm I never got a call, just texts, which I responded to. Even if I had don’t clock me! I hate being clocked. Pet peeve. However, let me update you on Mr. Eden. Eden has a girlfriend: his high school sweetheart.

He finally admitted they moved in together this summer (our mutual friend had already told me). He still has his own place for the moment, but its official they are roomies. Now all of a sudden he’s complaining to me how she has changed, and it’s the worst thing he could’ve done, the sex is horrible and darn near non-existent, she compares him to her ex, blah blah blahhhhhh. You made the bed now lie in it, I don’t feel bad for him at all. I actually laughed because when I got married he was so negative and told me it wouldn’t work and I would become the 3^rd  “baby’s momma” like the other two (He was on to something huh?) so serves him right. I don’t wish bad on anyone, but isn’t it funny how Karma works her magic?

Have fun shacking up Eden!