I’m racking my brain trying to finalize things for Baby Boys
2nd Birthday party. The two weeks he spent with my mom out of town
were supposed to be to get ish done, and I got ish done, but not that. I got
partying done, extra work hours done, eating out every day done, catching up
with old friends done, everything done BUT that.
Sue me! I needed the break, and while it has felt AWESOME to
have my pre-mommy days back, I would not trade parenthood for the world. He
brings me so much joy and fulfillment and I can’t wait to squeeze him tomorrow
when they touch down. He’s the only positive thing I have in my life at the
moment.
My cousin is in town, the one from up North that cheats on
her husband. She is about 30 minutes away in the tourist part of our area at
the beach strip. For some reason I thought it was smart to tell her I would
come hang out, and I regret it so much. Now I have to rush over there after
work in rush hour, walk up and down a freaking strip I don’t care about, and
then go to a bar, and be up by 6 a.m. to make it in to work by 7 a.m. on a
Saturday. Good thinking Jaycee. I love my cousin but I so wanted to go home and
go to bed after work. Honestly though even if I didn’t go visit her at the
hotel and stay I probably still wouldn’t go home. Such is life.
On a professional note, I am starting to be discouraged on
the work promotions. I should have NEVER transferred back home. Everyone at my
old job is moving up at a rapid speed and they all came in way after me. Meanwhile,
I’m stuck at this tiny office, that hardly ever has any promotions to offer and
when it does they are shelled out to seniority it seems. I was effing dumb to
take a pay cut to come here. They didn’t have my position so I accepted another
one, and now I’m the only one with a degree doing what I do. At first, I felt
honored, now I feel dumb. Sure I make more but what the eff did that matter
when I was doing a job that apparently didn’t require a degree just hella
experience? Genius Jaycee, you are just genius.
Anyhow 2 out of 4 of the promotions I have applied for have
already been given to others. I have 2 left I’m waiting to hear on. I really don’t
want to settle, but I have to make a move soon. I only planned to move back
home for 6 months. I am coming up on month 5 in August. So by September/October
if nothing bites I’m honestly thinking of:
- Accepting defeat, move
into my own place here again, and just be miserable 40 hours a week.
- Take Cam up on his offer
to try down South out. I can transfer to another city, it would be the
same job of course, but more room for growth because he’s near a major
city unlike me here, and I would hopefully have his help with our son
there.
I don’t want to do either I want to get one of these
promotions and chuck the deuces to my friends and family here and promise to
visit every weekend, knowing I won’t. I’m so annoyed by this guys.
It wouldn’t sting so bad if I even had an inkling of someone
that could hold my interest without pissing me off but no luck in that
department either. Dante’s relentless behind just won’t give up, so I finally
told him what a turn off he had been last time I saw him.
He had the nerve to
get super serious and hit me with the “I’m sorry of you feel like I
disrespected you, that won’t ever happen again, and I’d like to make it up to
you”. Shoot! Wasn’t expecting that. He even offered to pay for something at
Baby Boy’s party. That definitely was not happening, too soon Dante, too soon.
I still wasn’t considering him though, don’t worry. His ish is too shaky and I’m
done taking risk. I HAVE managed to shake Jake *does a little dance*. I feel
awful of course, but the problem was only escalating and I was leading him on
by accepting the gifts. I guess the right thing to do would be to give them
back right? Nah. Can’t do it.
Kendall got promoted. Dante tried to invite himself out with
us and pay for everything. I’m happy for her and we went out to celebrate over
dinner last night with our male bff. I was hating a little I’ll admit, but I love my cousin so imp still super proud.
I just hope I’m next in line for a celebration!
I don’t think I have a single interesting thing going on,
everyone is boring to me or a nuisance. I hate being a Debbie Downer,
especially right before the weekend but sheesh. I’m just not happy with myself
at this point in my life.
I know I’m blessed
and things could be way worst, but they could also be way better!
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