Maybe I'm Gay

It’s true people.

God can send you a good man and spell it out backwards for you, but we never want THOSE ones. We want the ones that mean us no good. I am over Deacon. I can’t even say what it is, I definitely don’t feel the chemistry there. I LOVE texting him without a doubt, but it’s so different in person. We don’t even hug…awkward. I went over earlier this week with Baby Boy and while I had a good time that night when I went back another day and it was just us I felt like I was chilling with a brother.

Then we got into a slight disagreement about me moving. He insists I don’t need to for safety reasons and I should wait six month. Sooooooo is my “safety” status going to miraculously change in six months? I think not.

Then (yes there are a lot is “thens”) I’m at work yesterday and he asked about my day. So I proceeded to tell him I had phone duty, so that consisted of taking all the incoming calls from you wonderful disgruntled Americans (I joke). He asked for the number, I assumed he was joking. He was like that’s okay I’ll find it myself. And he did, and he called, 5 times! He asked for me in my maiden name though so my co-worker told me someone had. I copied the number and counted hoe many times he called. Like why? We had made a bet he couldn’t, but again, I didn’t think he would keep calling, telling me the number and me confirming would have been sufficient enough. That annoyed me, it was childish, I’m at work!

So yeah, I don’t know if I’m feeling him. He asked to chill today and go out somewhere Saturday but I’m considering bailing. I’m just not that into him *shrugs*

On a lighter note, my sperm donor is starting his responsibilities this weekend. Cam and my dad are supposed to pick up Baby Boy from daycare today, well excuse me “school” (he graduated into a class this week!). He will be keeping him until Sunday. My Dad calls me daily because now he thinks Cam may have a fatal attraction. Apparently, I am all he talks about. I really wish I loved Cam, it’s like sperm and eggs wasted because we really do make a beautiful baby. I’d totally have like 5 by him, it would only be right!

Me and Jamison (guy bff) are throwing Kendall a surprise 29^th get together. We all went out to Bonefish on Wednesday because Jamison and his girlfriend are childish. Their 98^th break up occurred and he needed us to tell him everything would be okay. So he invited us out to dinner, and since I had been craving bang bang shrimp, I left Baby Boy with my mom and did 70 mph to get there. Jamison and his ex- girlfriend had decided it would be smart to go through each other’s phones while sitting next to each other. From experience, I know once it even gets to that point the relationship is dead. He had already went thru her phone a week before without her knowing, so this particular time when he looked again he saw she had deleted a lot of things an THAT’S why she didn’t mind letting him go thru it. His, on the other hand, had not been edited. While he isn’t a horrible boyfriend to have, great catch actually, he was a flirt. Therefore, it didn’t go well. Any who, Kendall was complaining how no one ever did anything for her birthday. Shit the eff up! Kendall’s about to be 29, your birthday is a non mothereffing factor at this point. Nevertheless, I love my cousin so I did a little group chat to all our friends telling them who, what, when, where, and how. I’m going to get pissy drunk and act like it’s my birthday. Cause my birthday on the other hand is ALWAYS a big deal, it’s the highlight of everyone’s summer and always a good time! Sue me!

*Dancing* I have successfully dodged Eden all week. In the beginning of the week, he called every day and texted. All he got from me is crickets. I was being dumb and y’all did not even tell me! I’m actually appalled. Maybe no one is reading this, that’s what I’d like to think happened. Because here I am all googly eyed on my ex when he has a whole live in girlfriend! It didn’t hit me until I was actually in New York and he said he could get away AFTER she had sent him that whole” maybe we should break up” text. If he didn’t care, again that would’ve been his way out. He cared, and he catered to her all weekend, THAT’S why he couldn’t get away, Jaycee was the non mothereffin factor in that scenario. And it was just the reality check I needed. So thank Eden, but no thanks. I hope I can keep this up, I know he’s going to throw me a curve ball.

So my vagina is dry, and that sucks for you all, but I’m okay with that. I think… my mind doesn’t seem to be taking it so well. I had the weirdest dream last night and I can’t be for certain that I’m not turning lesbian. I was somewhere in public, it honestly looked like detention. Some girl was kissing me and sucking my breast and it was like the best thing ever. She had me dripping wet and I was supposed to come by her house later. Of course I did, even though I knew I was not a lesbian. She had managed to get me where no one else ever had sexually just from kissing and fondling. For whatever reason I took Kendall with me and it’s some big orgy going on. I see plenty of people I know including my supervisor. Now I’m pissed, because I totally just wanted to find this darn girl and pick up where we left off. My alarm went off though and I was sucked out of my dream though, bummer. Am I gay now? lol