Church Sex

“CHURCH!” I blurted out loudly.

“What?” Deacon asked out of breath and confused, but never missing a stroke.

“We can’t. I can’t focus I keep thinking about church! The Deacon thing, its effing with me” I said trying to maneuver from under Deacon.

“Damn! It crossed my mind too but why’d you have to say it out loud?” he laughed.

So yeah technically, we had had sex last night, and I ended it. We had been at my new place and Deacon had come over with new locks for my door and a baby gate for Baby Boy. He’s thoughtful like that, always going the extra mile. He had stayed over the night before too, but nothing happened. Just talked to midnight and fell asleep. However, tonight was different. He had left me downstairs, and was up in my room waiting for me. I went ahead, showered, and got into bed and immediately he was in my personal space. I felt awkward because I’m so childish, but he kept at it.

Now earlier I had told him my Dad had suggested that if a guy never tried you after a certain amount of time he’s either:

• Gay
• Erectile
• Sex game is wack

So, I totally think, he took it as though he had something to prove. I’m self-conscious and even though I know my shape is nice, I still am weird about it. Especially my c-section scar. So he’s kissing my scar and everywhere else I may feel sub conscious about telling me I’m perfect. His foreplay was nice, even though we didn’t do oral. My period had just stopped I wouldn’t have felt comfortable. But his tongue worked wonders everywhere else and before I knew it I’m tangled up in some web of legs and arms and he’s like “I don’t need your help!”

I can’t describe it (y’all know I suck at this part), we were kissing and switching positions a lot and then all of a sudden church popped in my head and I went numb, I couldn’t continue. We ended up stopping and I knew he was pissed but he said it had crossed his mind too but he ignored it. Not me! The Lord was speaking lol.

The rest of the night flew by and I told him about my abortion. Yes, I had an abortion, right after baby boy and I feel awful. But we were in a effed up place and headed to divorce court and what was I going to do with 2 kids? Cam was barely working, we had just had a baby and I was juggling the bills. Judge me all you want. I was definitely that person who said I would never have one, but never say never. When the ball is is your court, you don’t know whether you will pass it ir throw it. The baby would have been 1 but I think it was the right choice. Sorry if some don’t agree. Now I couldn’t do it again, but yep I’m guilty.

I haven’t talked to Deacon yet today but it’s only 7:30 a.m. so we will see how he acts.

Earlier that day I had dinner with Tay at Hooters, we caught up, we went to a Tamar Braxton show earlier in the month, she got tickets and we had a ball. Me and Tay are always off and on but I love her to death. Nothing else has went down, this Deacon thing had me all effed up so I had to write on it.

What should I do? Try again, dead it, or what? We already did it technically, just not for long. So I don’t even know his potential but what waste it right?