Because Im Happpppppyyyyyyyy

Deacon likes me. It finally came out, I mean all my friends said it but until he said it, it didn’t matter.

“I’m interested in you, sheesh, as I talk to you more and more my interest level rises. I went from Jaycee who? To Jaycee Hmmmm” he said.

“I’m so not taking that as a compliment” I laughed “too many loopholes”.

I went over to his house yesterday on Wednesday because he wanted to wash my car. I was supposed to go Tuesday but he had told me to bring a change of clothes to help, and that completely wasn’t in my plans. So I went to Hooters with Kendall instead. But on Wednesday, he bought it back up, so I trucked it over there with a change of clothes and Baby Boy. It was so iffy how Baby Boy would be, I hoped he would not embarrass me, he’s a trip at times.

I ended up not doing a thing, well mosquitos tore me up, but other than that I sat pretty. Deacon and Baby Boy washed the car and he sprayed him with the hose and then let him spray and help, that was so cute. It was a little awkward after they finished, we just stood around making short conversation. Something was off but I let it go.

 Eventually I left to pack. I head to New York today and had to get our things in order. He told me to text him when I got home so I did.

Me: I’m home. So I have to treat you to something, what do you wanna do? And don’t say nothing or you don’t know

D: Ok… I don’t do things expecting or looking for things in return. I do it because I have a huge heart and to show you that I do understand what the role of a man is. Not your job and should not be your concern to wash your car or maintain your car.

Me: I know you don’t expect anything in return, Doesn’t change my mind about wanting to treat you…

D: U don’t have to treat me for something you deserve to get anyway. I am determines to show you how you are supposed to be treated.

HOW CUTE IS HE???????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Honestly, this is one of the rare times someone is effing me mentally. He’s different for sure. Like I said I’m use to being the successful one, but he’s all together and even has a little game. I like him J

Jake popped back up. Talking about he misses me and would like to take me out for lunch before I left. Not happening. He even sent me a picture of a MK bag with the caption “This will be waiting for you when you get back”. See it totally wasn’t me, I haven’t talked to him all summer and here he is still trying to do the same ish. He asked could he being me lunch to my job but that wasn’t happening either. It just wasn’t worth dealing with him, I did like the bad he sent but still! Lol I learned my lesson and I know Karma is so real.

I won a monetary award at work…… $600. Go Jace! I’m going to use it for my townhouse, which by the way now my mom is saying I should stay and not move out. WTF! Why didn’t you tell me this before I started looking and buying stuff. I actually do like staying home its convenient as crap. But, I’m almost 30, I don’t want to share a room with my 2 year old. I work hard, I’d like to come home to a walk in closet again. She confused me so now I don’t know if I should stay or go. Decisions. I’m supposed to move in 2 weeks so I don’t have much time to think about it. I did pay a deposit too but honestly I have not saved like I should since I’ve been back home. I was stricter on myself when I was on my own. What do y’all think I should do?

I’m supposed to meet up with Eden in NYC but ironically I’m not presses. He texted me with this earlier this week:

Eden: Not asking for your hand in marriage or even to wait or forgive me for any wrong you think I may have caused…. But just know I am getting myself out this mess of a bed I made. I refuse to lie in it.

Me: I hear ya talking. I always do. I’m tatted on ya heart and I’ll always have your back.

I think he said that because I told him about Deacon, he’s probably getting nervous but he can’t say crap. I told him to make him jealous I’ll admit that, but everything I said was true. This was before I knew he liked me in that way but Eden said it too. So he’s prob like okay how she gonna act? Darn skippy. Get nervous!

If someone can get Eden out of my system then he needs a trophy!

I woke up this morning with another text. This one was from Mark. Y’all remember him right? My rendezvous from 4^th of July that I adored in college?

Mark: Up wondering what you doing but I know you sleep. You will see this in the a.m. 1:41 a.m.

Usually I’d be all astounded, now I’m just like “Awww… that was cute”. It takes more to wow me now, but I’m really at a happy place right now in life. No everything’s not perfect, but whose life is? Well Beyonce’s life prob is lol. I’m just really happy!

Clueless

My oh my how things have changed. I would not have saw this coming a mile away. All good though…. I think.

Okay first things first I hung out with my Dad on Saturday. I helped Kendall set up for her Pure Romance party and since I hate hose things I left shortly before it began. My dad, Baby boy, my grandmother, and I went out for lunch and to Toy R US. During this time is when my Dad noticed Baby Boy is extremely spoiled and needed a “male” figure around more than he is experiencing. I agree, he’s surrounded by nothing but women and he’s so adorable that he usually gets his way. Conclusion: A spoiled brat.

Surprisingly my Dad called up Cam and told him “Whatever it is you are pursuing isn’t working, you don’t see your kids or take care of them, so this is my offer. You can come stay with me, I will personally find you a job, maybe even 2, you WILL send my daughter money for your child and start getting him more, and I will send you a ticket to get here.”

Go Dad! He lives an hour away from me but I will take that. Cam had the audacity to act as if he had to think it over, but eventually he agreed and he will be here next week! Perfect, that weekend I am shipping his son right to him, his turn to feel the load for a few days!

Anyway me and my Dad when to a concert that Saturday night, some old school people he knew but I had THEE best time, it was on the beach and super packed, but I really enjoyed it. On Sunday, I went to church but I did not see the Deacon, saying that sounds so old but he is one lol. But he did hit me afterwards and invited me over. I hesitated but I went and its funny because I’m use to guys asking can they come over to MY place, because usually they don’t have one or either they just don’t invite me. So this was different, especially since he wasn’t asking me over in the wee hours lol. I went and his house was so nice. Not the bachelors pad I expected. We literally just sat and talked and laughed for 3-4 hours. However, while I was there I got the impression that maybe he really didn’t like me in the romantical way ( I just made that word up), just as a friend and that was cool. I wasn’t attracted to him either but I was having fun with him. I left a little after 10 p.m. and he texted me, that’s where it confused me. He had said “I want to learn more about you” so we ended up texting until about 1 a.m.

The next day I was off and I went and got my hair done and pamper my self, so he asked to see a pic, his response to the picture was “Can I say delicious…..”

Then he asked did I want to grab dinner. So I’m like sure, I told him I had to wait until Baby Boy went to bed and he said that was cool. So basically I’m in a loose tee and short shorts, the cutest sandals, and some fashion jewelry. I look cute especially with my hair flowing free and long BUT I was family restaurant cute, NOT fancy restaurant cute. He had told me it was a surprise where we were headed and my basic behind never thought anything of it. But ,I definitely didn’t think this place. Nothing was under $30.00 and I could not even understand the menu. I’m extremely picky so eventually he ordered for me and told me “Just try it”. I do not “just try” anything when it comes to food so this was extremely weird for me. I ended up with some concoction of poached crabmeat, organic brown rice, grilled squash, asparagus, caramelized pearl onions, and sauce soubise. Yes…. I looked it up, and had I known that was it I definitely would have refused the entire meal, but it was not half-bad! I think I have been upgraded y’all. Lol

For the past few weeks people have been saying how awful my car looks, it is rather filthy on the exterior. This morning he texted me with solution to this problem, and I didn’t even have to mention it.

Deacon: I’m going to take care of that car for you today too. I meant to handle it yesterday but of course, I got in too late then we went to dinner.

How cool is he? I, on the other hand, am accepting the fact that he does not like me in THAT way, since he pretty much said it.

“But he isn’t showing that, he totally likes you Jaycee” Tay insisted. “Who would keep hanging around you and texting you all day if not?”

“You do it and you don’t like me” I joked.

Tay didn’t laugh “Okay, be silly as usual, but he definitely is interested I don’t care how many times he says the opposite!”

I don’t want to assume cause I’m really having fun, but I don’t want to be the one NOT assuming when I should be.

Nothing else major has happened that’s worth being written right now. But what do you all think of all this?

Oral Delights

So apparently, I was on Sandrarose.com, a gossiping site, and reporter are being beheaded because of the bomb in Iraq? What the heck, then they had the nerve to upload it and YouTube and show them sawing the guy’s head off! He had been captured before, released, and then traveled to the country AGAIN! I’m not deep into politics but why in the eff would you go back!? Yikes.

Any who, this has been a very interesting week. I cannot say much has happened. I have just been heavy in this phone of mines texting and talking up a storm. No one was safe. But it’s actually been rather calm, no stress just chatting.

Eden is Eden, I will be there next weekend for Labor Day, not necessarily with him but I’m 100% sure I’ll see him there. I plan to look my best so next week pampering is in order. I am getting my hair pressed out bone straight, a luxury I haven’t allotted myself since last year! It was mid back length in January, so I am excited to see where I am. No racism but other races usually don’t have problems growing hair long, so excuse my excitement. I am fully black so mid back length is kind of a big deal lol if you are into hair at all that is. If not then disregard my excitement. Anyway, I am always gonna get some shellac covering on my nails and a Pedi, and some pretty cute outfits I’ve been picking up. Eden hasn’t SEEN me in person with my hair not in braids in years, and even when he did it wasn’t as nice as it is now, so this should be interesting.

Why do we girls think guys care that much anyway about hair? He does hate when I wear braids tho. The Deacon is also in heavy rotation, but it’s still light, no boundaries have been crossed so that’s good. I honestly don’t need any other balls thrown my way until I have successfully caught all the other loose ones. I’ve got crap all over the place.

Anymore questions by any chance? I know my ish has been random and slow, but hey real life is like that.

I’m thinking of taking some sewing classes, I’ve realized I need a hobby, right now my hobby is texting ex’s and that can’t be productive. I have finally mastered drinking 12 glasses of water a day and while it’s healthy, no weight has been lost. I’m 124ish right now but I want to do around 118 lbs. So once I move in my townhouse I’m going to start walking the treadmill, on an incline. Eden said doing that three times a week should do the trick and tone my belly and ish, since I’m fairly small. They have a little gym and sauna in the neighborhood, which looks too cute. I can see me and my gals sitting in there sipping wine, can you sip wine in a sauna? Beats me.

I went with Tay to Hooters late last night for dinner, Tay is one of my bffs. She is obsessed with this low life she started hooking up with in the spring. To cut the BS, he sells drugs; he doesn’t work, and isn’t trying to. Why Tay why? He stays at home with his grandmother, which I shouldn’t speak on BUT I AM! I moved on to save and I put a time limit on it. He ain’t saving jack, and ain’t planning for jack and doesn’t know a next move or anything. You know my saying: If you can’t help me you are hurting me! How oh how is he helping her?

So anyway she’s gushing about being with him the other night till 2 a.m. before I chimed in. I had been half listening as always when she spoke about him.

“Wait, so where were y’all?” I grabbed a wing and tore into it like it was my last meal, I love Buffalo wings.

Tay huffed “I just said we were at his grandmother’s house!”

“Oh right, the one he lives with so you were in there that late?” I asked, that’s classy.

“No, silly, we were sitting in my car outside” she said as if that made all the difference.

You are almost 20 having to hang out in cars whenever y’all are together, okay. Tay lives with her mom. To make a long story short, they got to arguing an he ended up eating her out in the car. Oral is my most favorite thing, especially if he can do it right,

“Okay, so he did oral in the car what’s so special about that?” I rolled my eyes; I was bored with this story.

“He’s never done it before Jaycee, that was his first time eating me out!” she grinned and covered her face blushing.

I was in awe, you have been effing someone for five months and he never went down on you? What was the world coming too?

“That effing odd, but you never went down on him either then of course right?” I tried to make sense of this.

“Yeah I have, he just never did it” she looked at me as if I was the one telling this dumb tail story.

I zoned back out of the conversation at that point, I could be focused on other things, like what color sheets I should buy for my new bed.

We left shortly after that and I couldn’t help but think, that even though I thought my guy life sucked, Tay’s was so much worst!

When the tables turn

Where do I begin? I actually said a prayer to God about what direction I should go in and I lie to you not things have been bat sh!t crazy ever since! It all started Friday, Eden calls me an he’s in Orlando with the girlfriend. He had told me in D.C that she won a trip but he did not want to go. Blah blah blah, you went, no one can MAKE you go anywhere so cut the BS. So anyway, he’s telling me how they have been arguing since they touched down and he had gotten dropped off at the hotel because he just couldn’t stand to be around her anymore. Hence, the reason he was on the phone freely with me. I chatted with him for a while before hitting a bar with my male BFF and Kendall. I didn’t last long there either because I was home and in bed by 9.

I came into work on Saturday morning and afterwards I was meeting my mom and the kid at our church picnic. It’s sad but I had put no thought whatsoever in my outfit. For overtime, I had thrown on a tee that read “Sundae Funday” with a picture of an ice cream sundae and some tight fitted skinny jeans and sandals. Nothing spectacular whatsoever. It was just the church picnic. I got there and watched Baby Boy on the bounce houses for a bit before grabbing some fried fish and chatting with some of the younger adults.. I had moved on to Watermelon when a younger Deacon at our church asked me to do him a favor. He wanted me to pick something up so I said sure; I didn’t think anything of it. I had known him since I was school age. I wasn’t sure how old he was but it could only be maybe 5/6 years older than me, but he had always been cool none the less. So no biggie.

I sent Eden a Glide of Baby Boy eating watermelon and after a while I decided it was time for me to jet. I went to run my errand for the Deacon, and he texted me and said thanks. However, he also sent something after that tat threw me for a loop. I will get back to that.

I met my friend at a store, and went to check my Instagram since I finally had service. There was a post under one of my pictures from D.C last weekend. Eden had posted the same picture, but he was in his, and me and Baby Boy was in mines. I still thought anyone who knew us would put 2 and 2 together and be like “Are they there together?” And that’s precisely what happened. Some girl put me name, and Eden’s girlfriend name to draw both of our attention to the picture and then asked “Are you both sharing, getting played, or no one has put 2 and 2 together yet?”

I actually laughed at first. I wasn’t fazed, but Eden was about to get caught up in the worst way and I was actually curious to see how he would respond. Therefore, instead of deleting the comment I left it! A little childish? Of course I could have deaded the whole drama that would come from this but why? I had done nothing wrong. So let the games begin. I tried to call and tell him but he didn’t answer…… oh well! I figured she would see it, and either keep it to herself or confront Eden, and how he handled the situation would say a lot. Because if you don’t care, like you say you don’t you wouldn’t stress it, right?

I went back to my texts.

Deacon: Actually, on a serious note I prayed for you and everyone who helped me. You are a good person and a dern good woman Jaycee, I want you to listen to a song by the Isley Brothers when you get a chance it’s called You Deserve Better. One day when you stop running from me and you have time we will sit down and talk and I will tell you to your face why I was upset with you.

Apparently, my little errand was a big deal and helped out with something, so he had sent me a thank you text, which I of course brushed off. He had also told me he had been mad at me a while back. It didn’t take a genius to figure out he was speaking on Cam. But you know me, I can never live in the moment, everything with me has to be blown up. So, I went straight to group chat with Kendall, Wendy, and Dani and asked them what the eff did they think of the text.

Kendall: He’s brave

Wendy: Just have the talk and find out

Dani: A deacon? You pull em all huh?

They irked my nerves. I was going to meet up and talk but probably not anytime soon. I had enough mess going on. Nevertheless, I couldn’t help but think about my prayer I had asked God about, I asked to be happy, that’s it, just happy.

Meanwhile Eden called and I told him about the post, he told me make my page private and delete it, but he was really calm about it. I said no. He didn’t think his girlfriend had saw it yet because she was acting normal, and I just didn’t give a eff if she had or hadn’t. He wanted out of his relationship so bad here was your out, but I noticed he was trying to weasel his way out of it so she wouldn’t be pissed.

Eden: If it comes up, it’s just a coincidence we were in the same city at the same time.

Flatline….. I didn’t respond.

 He texted me Sunday too, asking were we good and telling me not to worry, everything was cool, she bought the coincidence line. I’m glad she did because I didn’t. I had to come to terms with the fact no one will stay where they don’t want to be. So why set myself up for a possible heartbreak. He might leave, but he might not. So I still haven’t responded to Eden and he hasn’t tried to call me either. But he’s still in Orlando, they fly home today so I’m sure he will blow my phone up as soon as he gets alone. Side chick crap!

When I woke up this morning, I did have a new text though.

Deacon: Goodnight…….. 9:52 p.m.

The End of Eden Part 3

Sunday was hard. We all lounged around the room and finally left out around 10 to get food. We spent the day touring D.C and snapping flicks in front of statues, until it was time for Eden to leave. I hated hated hated that I did this to myself, because it was like one big lie. Like why did we even do this crap and why did my son like him? I was mad. I was SUCH a girl at times and for the life of me I couldn’t understand why.

It was bittersweet and we hit the road. We were meeting Dani and her family at a resort before heading home, since I was still off until Tuesday. We were stuck in traffic most of the trip and we got there and Kendall pulled up at the same time. We spent the afternoon at the pool and then had dinner. The rest of the night was spent laughing and joking around and me texting Eden of course.

“Did y’all have sex?” Dani asked, and Kendall smirked. She wasn’t too keen on Eden, The feeling was mutual they didn’t care for each other.

“Every day and twice on Sunday” I laughed.

“I guess I’m going to have to learn to like him if this gets serious” Kendall complained.

“It won’t, I’m not going to be naïve this go round, he lives with her, it was just a weekend, I’m aware of that and I’m accepting it” I said more so trying to convince myself.

They sensed my hesitation and we changed the subject.

On Monday after we ate and saw most of her family off me and Dani literally slept the day away with the kids. She was leaving that afternoon and I headed to an amusement park to meet Tish and her god kids. We spent the remainder of the day there and Baby Boy was knocked out by the time we made it back home. He had had an eventful weekend for a 2 year old, so I know he was exhausted because I was wore the eff out!

Its Tuesday morning now, I don’t know when this will post but I’ve been whining to Eden all morning about how this can’t go on. I can’t be his friend, while he figures out everything, it’s just too much and I’m still emotionally invested. He agreed but he isn’t saying anything to make it easier just the typical “You aren’t second….. I’ll always love you…. I need you in my life”. Ugh!

I was in the middle of texting him back when a text from Mark came thru asking what was up. Usually I would have been hype to hear from him, but I was back on the Eden bandwagon, noone could pull me off.

Friday's here and I still have it bad. I've even reconsidered Baby Boy being an only child. I'm thinking maybe me and Eden can make one while we are doing whatever it is we are doing. I actually wouldn't mind having his baby. He doesnt have any and I KNOW he's superb with kids. He's financially stable, btu hes in NY. On the flip side I COULD go to NY, we'd have to be married of course, but it could work. I'm being delusional right? Prob so, but what do you do when your soulmate is found but you are both in different points of life. I could let it go and see what happens, or I could make a move, and not let him get away this go round.

When I suggested making a baby he immediately texted me back.

Eden: Que sera, sara

This negro doesnt speak a lick of Spanish, he thinks because he is a NY native he's bilingual. I asked my coworker what that means because she's  actually from Puerto Rico and Spanish is her first language.

"It's like if you are having a baby, someone might ask that, and they would be asking what is it? she replied. That didn't make sense and I told him so.

Eden: She's dumb, it's means "Whatever will be, will be"

I didn't know who was right or who was wrong, but Eden's response made more sense so I went with that.

I've been in fantasy land all week, looking at pictures from our weekend, flirting with him, and then his corny tail had the audacity to send me a goodnight poem last night. I would post it but, eff it I'll share it. I had told him "Goodnight" around 9'ish and he never responded before I went to sleep. So this morning I woke up and saw he had responded close to 11 p.m.

Eden: As I lay here to sleep I have thoughts of someone far away. Holding them close to my heart so the pain will go away. We smile but so far away how to see it until I dream. Wish I was a great eagle so I could soar upon the breeze and land close to her side. The nights would be filled with joy as we walked side by side talking  about life as I gaze into her eyes. Through her eyes I see the scars someone left behind which only can be healed by time. We can dance the night away if we were side by side, but I can only dream of this enchanted angel that is so far away. Goodnight house of Kutie!

The last line is because of how I answered every single call in college. I would pick up all sweetly and say "House of Beauty, this is cutie!" lol EVERYONE hated it but it was so funny to me, so childish for a 21 year old but hey I was immature at that age anyway.

Anywho, I know that is someone's song or poem he recycled but it still has to smiling even now.
I LOVE HIM! What do yall think? Do I seem genuine, or like I'm going thru a phase or what? I act on impulse so I don't want to assume I'm being rational if I'm not. I'd love to hear opinions and what you all think of the whole situation over all, and what my next move should be.

Love....... The hopeless romantic named Jaycee

Eden Weekend 2nd Night

Saturday morning was awesome, Baby Boy slept in which was not normal and that means I got to sleep in too and cuddle.  I loved hotels, well nice ones, because usually they had the huge windows that allowed you to pul the curtains shut so it could be dark as long as your little heart desired.

My little heart desired it to be dark until at least 9 a.m. Didn’t last that long, Eden was as big a kid as my son and soon they were up jumping on the bed and irking my nerves. I hurriedly got dressed and we left for breakfast down in the lobby. I kept trying to tell Eden we should get something quick but he insisted on eating at the hotel, amongst nice proper people, with my unruly 2 year old. He had no clue what he was getting hisself into.

“He’ll be fine” he brushed me off. That changed 20 minutes later when he was throwing bacon and eggs across the table at him and laughing loudly.

“Check please!” Eden had laughed it off and still told me not to sweat it. We finished eating and then got changed to get into the pool. I didn’t want too so Eden still insisted I change the kid and they got in together.  Baby Boy loved the water so he had a blast, I sat in a lounge chair occasionally snapping flicks and reading a new book off my Nook. We sat there for about an hour before I told them it was time for his nap. I laid him down after a bath and decided I was a little tired myself. However, it was hard to rest with Eden beside me and my insides yearning. What the eff was wrong with me, this had to be Satan himself making me think so sinful.

Like the soul mates we are he read my mind and smiled, “I have condoms now”.

I hated when boys were sneaky like that, like when the heck did you dip off and do that, nonetheless I was game and finishing was so much better then stopping in the middle. I was so familiar with Eden and vice versa so everything wasn’t so much as predictable just more so he knew what to do. I fell asleep after that and we woke up and left for lunch in Crystal City, a little town right outside of DC. I got Coldstone and then took the kid to a little playground to run around for a bit. Eden had already planned for Baby Boy to see a movie. It would be his first time, and he had picked Ninja Turtles. Great movie by the way, and I normally wouldn’t have went to see it but it was good, and my kid did good. Popcorn and juice was the key to success. Lol

We went to dinner after that, and decided to walk from the hotel since it was nice out. Baby Boy fell asleep on the walk back and we decided to get deep. I told him about Ray and that being my first guy I actually liked after Cam but he was so random. I could tell he was getting mad, btu I didnt care. I had really liked Ray, I coudnt wait to run into him either!

He told me about his girlfriend and how he didn’t want to hurt her but she had changed. He said once they moved in she became extremely clingy and bossy. She urged him to change as well and demanded they spend every second they could together, and truthfully it had become overwhelming. I understood that, Cam had played that same hand with me. Either way, he was living with her, I was living hundreds of miles away, and we acknowledged that too.

We got back to the room eventually an he was showing me some videos in his phone. Somehow, he opened his messaged and I saw a text to his girlfriend saying, “I miss you”.

Really Eden? I was pissed and my mood immediately changed. Eden kept on going as if nothing happened.

30 minutes later, he called me out.

“You wanna talk about why you’re being a brat,” he asked.

“I’m not....... I’m tired” I faked a yawn.

“I know you saw the text Jaycee, I know you, you not that discreet baby” he laughed.

I pouted and rolled over. He grabbed me and pulled me on his chest pulling out his phone “Now when we look at this again, I want an apology, okay” he was still laughing. I realized I had effed up but I wasn’t about to admit defeat. I acted like I wasn’t looking but I definitely was. He opened the text and it was from HER saying she missed him, but he had not responded (I checked it in the morning to the next day, he still never had responded) I know, I know, who am I to even get mad at HER texting HER boyfriend? But, I wasn’t mad at her, I was mad cause I thought he had sent it.

The mood lightened after that and I was glad because it was out last night there. I definitely took advantage of that.

What was I doing here?

Eden Weekend 1st Night

Sigh, why did I do this to myself. Why did I go spend the weekend in DC with Eden? It was perfect. Too perfect. We got there Friday evening and went to Adams Morgan and had pizza with Baby Boy. It was odd but Baby Boy was friendly right off the back. Sure he has seen Eden before , but like once a year and thru videos, so I didn’t think he actually remembered or was familiar with him.

Him and Eden played in the car and then he helped him with his food as they laughed and joked. By the time we checked in at the hotel Baby Boy was knocked out sleeping an Eden carried him in. We got settled in and I was completely worn out. I was glad he had fell asleep and I immediately laid him in the other bed in the suite and got settled in ours.

Eden immediately came over and laid with me and my heart sank. Why did it feel so right when I knew it was so wrong? He had a girlfriend at home, I don’t care how unhappy he claimed he was she was still his girl, and I wasn’t. Eden’s excuse was their names were both on everything so once the lease was done so was he, I’m naïve as they come but I called that BS. I did understand a tad bit though because with Cam I was once in that place. Standing on the fence. I hated him but I loved him. I wanted him to leave, but for our child I figured it probably would be best if he stayed. That didn’t solve anything though just bought on more headaches and arguments and I realized more harm was being done then good.

Eden was around then too, but I realized I needed to cut him off so I could have a clear head on what I needed to do with Cam. I didn’t want to leave Cam FOR Eden. I wanted to leave Cam because it was the best thing for us overall. Moreover, I think I did the right thing.

Anywho, Eden slid into bed next to me and inhaled my scent long and hard. He always did that. Weirded me out every time but he said he loved my “scent”. I threw my arms around his neck and just let the moment sink in. I had been undecided on if I was going to have sex with him on my way there, but of course all of that went out the window. I let him gently pull my panties down, but he was no romantic.

“Where’s the thing?” he asked me looking around my private area.

“What thing?” I sat up.

“The thing…. That you were in the hospital for, you wouldn’t send me a pic, I wanna see” he continued to look.

“You are effing disgusting, its gone silly, and it wasn’t a thing, it was a cyst” I laughed as he pushed me back down an worked his tongue over my area that was giving me a million problems 2 weeks prior. Eden was a certified freak and I loved it. Before I could gasp he put his whole face in my mid-section. Yes back to front. My legs immediately started to shake and I pulled at him. Of course, that didn’t deter him and he kept at it until I flipped him over and climbed on top. I surprised myself, I was never a “on top” kind of girl I preferred the guy to lead, but I was extremely horny. I was really into it and I could tell Eden was too when it hit me out of nowhere that we didn’t have on protection. I tried to jump back and he pulled me back.

“Nooooooo Eden, no no no, you just probably had ya nasty sick in your girlfriend, and if she doing the same crap you doing who knows what yall nasty tails could be spreading” I argued.

He sighed, “I haven’t fucked her in 3 weeks, and if she is doing anyone, its her lame ex, he doesn’t get any girls” he said that like it made it okay.

“You are a A-hole, I swear, that’s still nasty and I’m not doing this without protection, its bad enough I’m doing it at all sheesh” I got up and hopped in the shower. I ran hot water between my legs long and hard to kill the burning flame that was telling me to eff it and go back out and finish what we started and screw what consequences came with it. But the rational women in me said no Jaycee, you did the right thing.

 It was going to be a long weekend!

Going nuts O_O

I know I'm not nuts. But there was a blog, a girl who worked at a........... arts place maybe? Anywa,y she and her boyfriend had just got a place together, and she was in his phone and found out he had messed with the coworker. So now she's crashing at a friends looking for a new roomate. She recently found a good prospect for a roomie and they had coffee or tea or something. Anyone read that yet? If so what is it!?

My life has been.................. nice. But to you all....... boring. I noticed I really only get comments when things are going haywire, and noone really likes when things are just calm so I haven't written. Wendy has been here all week, oh the joys of being a teacher and having the summers off. But we have been hanging and doing little things that make us smile lol. She's leaving today an I am heading to Washington D.C ...................... to meet up with Eden.

I debated this all week, but Tish says go and have fun, although shes the epitome of a side chick so she would say that. Plus she loves Eden, they have always been cool. so to her its not a big deal and I'm being "extra".

The day already started off bad though. I overslept and therefore RACED this morning to do everything so Im sure I left something and I hate that feeling. My pedicure chipped. And I barely had time to shave last night, well Nair I dont shave. The funny thing is I didn't dare put that Nair on my vagina. But Wendy made me go shopping for clippers.

"I'm not clipping my effin vagina Wendy, I'm clumsy I'll cut myself" I argued.

"You will not cut yourself, I do it all the time, its cute trust me" she perused the aisles looking for the Conair brand she had while we were in Wal-Mart.

I had came to Wal-Mart with her and Kendall to kill time, we were going to Applebees to meet Tay afterwards to have "The Last Supper" with Wendy since she was leaving. Plus it was half off appetizers after 9 p.m so el cheapo (me) was killing time. Baby Boy was at home in the bed. Something I would miss when I moved out, because there would be no leaving just because he had fallen asleep.

"Here it is!" she grabbed a box and smiled. It was cute and had a carrying case, but I wasn't sold. I took it anyway tho and grabbed some traveling items and we were on our way.

Later at home, I did see that the clippers werent that bad it was actually fun, I wonder if I can do hearts or something once I get the hang of it? It get hair everywhere tho, I stood on a towel but it was so much easier to shave in the shower. What do you all do? Cause if you have a better way I'm down to try it. Oh no waxing! I did it once and it was worst then giving birth.... eff you if you think I'm exxagerating. I have 0 tolerance for pain so I'm done with that wave. Y'all can have it. So much pain for hair to grow right back. She said the more I came the better it would get, I'd rather have wolf pussy!

Jake hit me out of the blue (the Micheal Kors bag buyer). Luckily he just wanted to say hi I guess and I havent heard from him since. Awkward.

Noone else has really bothered me. Eden is EXTREMELY excited though about us coming to D.C.

"Has Baby Boy ever been to the movies, I think we should take him to see Ninja Turtles" he suggested.

He hadnt ever been, and I didnt know if he would sit but he loved snacks, so I figured if we got plenty then he should be okay. I hate that first time things like this that should be with Cam arent. smh but such is the life of a baby momma. I HATE that word but I think I have officially become one in society's eyes!

If anyone knows the name of that blog let me know PLEASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSE

Yay for my weekend!

Awesome, awesome, awesome weekend! Yup that good! I came in for some overtime on Saturday, which is when I spoke to you all last. Afterwards Wendy was waiting for me, she had gotten here Friday night. We did some shopping and stuffed our tummies because I planned on getting her white girl wasted for her birthday!

Dani was here too, so once she reached us, we got my other BFF Tay and headed out. Tay got fired Friday. She moved here from D.C the beginning of the year. We have been friends since high school though. We were trying to wait for Kendall but she wasn’t answering anyone’s calls or text, so we left without her.

We got to the bar and since I’m on antibiotics still, I was the designated driver. Wendy immediately started with shots of Patron and I took some great action shots for us to post. They drank, I dance, and we were all merry! We went to Denny’s afterwards for food and passed out.

On Sunday, we all went to church and even Tish came. Tish and Tay are not friends. We all use to be BFFS but they had a bad falling out. So, I prayed on this day that nothing popped off. Afterwards we went to my house for a cookout, and lounged around. Kendall had missed church and now I was pissed. She had ducked off Wendy’s whole bday weekend. It’s rare that Kendall pissed me off, but she wasn’t my favorite person. She showed up as soon as we pulled in from church and I waved her off when she tried to speak.

See I knew Kendall was probably laid up somewhere. If that’s the case cool, just say that but don’t blow us off and then pop up Sunday like “Hey guys”. Needless to say, I was being very rude to her and she told me that too. I didn’t care. I was a brat.

We decided to go to a comedy club. A famous comedian was in town and even though it was last minute we all bought tickets and decided to go…………… except Kendall.

“Rent was due this week, I have to sit this one down guys” she had said.

Normally, I probably would’ve asked her did she wanted me to spot her, but she had missed everything else that weekend so why not one more thing? Petty right? Sue me! Anywho Tish and Tay did great an even posed in photos together. I was proud of them. I didn’t expect them to be the best of friends tomorrow but I’m glad everyone can come together and be cordial. Less stress on me, because seriously I have enough on my plate.

We piled in a SUV and headed to the comedy show and he was HILARIOUS! Dani has a timeshare about 30 minutes from here and all her family is there, so the plan today is for everyone to head there before she leaves tonight to go back to Baltimore. We just are gonna eat, talk, and have the fun we always have. I love my besties!

While we were out my “high school drama friend” that was trash talking us texted me. She had just seen our pictures from the day on Instagram.

Drama Friend: I know I’m not one of your BFFS but I have money, I would have liked to go out. That really hurt my feelings and I just wanted you to know.

She had told me that morning she had a boil on her butt and was considering going to the ER and that’s what I replied back. I also told her to stop with this invite crap she’s too old. The night before she had done the same thing while we were out at the bar. Whining because we didn’t invite her out. Everyone knew Wendy was coming back in town for her birthday to celebrate, so whoever wanted to go could’ve but I’m not about to be hunting people down. Especially not her! Kick rocks!

I am scheduled to spend this weekend in D.C with Eden. He booked a room and sent me all the details, but the closer it gets the more I want to bail on him. I’m behaving like a side chick. I have to admit that. Ill dwell on that more throughout the week though.

Cam pissed me off AGAIN. He had told me if he didn’t make Baby Boy’s birthday party he would send the money he was going to use to travel here to me. Didn’t happen………… anyone surprised? I asked him about it a week later and his response:

“I haven’t been able to find a ride to the bank, I should probably be able to find a way this week though” -_- Save it! This was a bad week for me too. They shorted my check even though I am salary from the time I was in the hospital, until I could bring in proof. Are they jerks or what? Therefore, I had half a check and double the bills and no help. I think it’s finally hitting me that I’m a single parent! Where the heck did I go wrong? I did not sign up for this, I tried to do everything the right way, but I’m a witness to even doing it the “right” way and end up going left. Shucks!

P.S. I love the fact that boys had nothing to do with this weekend and making it fun! Not saying I can live without one ever again, but it sure beats sitting around waiting on one to make you happy. Be your own fun....... thats my new motto lol

Happy Monday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Weekend is here!

Wendy and Dani are back in town from MD and Jersey. Partayyyyyyy! Wendy's birthday was Tuesday, so she came back in town so we could all partake in a turn up!

Todd................. yeah I don't know. I don't seriously consider him, but he's great company. He works and recently started a janitorial business so he was telling me about that. All I hear though is "5 kids, 5 kids, 5 kids".

I didn't hear from his friend on Facebook at all ironically yesterday. Which is weird but honestly I have enough going on so less is more. He was actually cool too. I ran into some issues with my car and he came through with a great deal and parts and did it himself. But it's like pulling teeth with him too, like why are we still chatting on Facebook? Ask for my number or something sheesh! He's not my type tho I can tell. Not that I know what my type is but I saw a post on Instagram yesterday that I wanted to like 1000 times. It read:

I don't like guys that fight or turn up all the time. I like MEN who are lame. Either at scool, work, or at home watching Netflix.

Yeah he sounds bomb! lol Lame man where art thou????
"I'm looking for ya" *in my Future voice* Thats an artist by the way, he has a song out that says that, just in case anyone was wondering where I got it from.

I also decided I'm not going to persue leaving the state or my current job anymore. At least not for the next year or two. If it was just me it would be okay, but I have Baby Boy and my support system is great here, so why eff up a good thing? If I leave town, there will be NO random nights out or quick dinners with friends. I dont let just anyone babysit, just the parentals. And I will not start for the sake of that. Here, I can do whatever, whenever if I please, and its no big deal. Also childcare. Right now I have the ultimate hook-up because my friend's mother owns the daycare. I know if I relocate that will probaly double. No bueno.

So I went out to lunch with my male bff yesterday before my follow up with the doctors (That went great by the way I'm almost back to 100%). Anyway, he was asking me about moving and just chatting and that put a pep in my step and I went out later that day and found a townhome for me and the kiddo. So come October, we are back in business! And I'm fine with that, I'll get promoted when God is ready for me too, right now I'll just focus on enjoying life and working at work, instead of other things all the time! lol

I'm excited about this weekend, I'm on antibiotics so I can't drink, but my friends drunk is contagious and entertaining enough, so that'll do.

Cam pissed me off. Yesterday he asks me if I want to go to Miami with him for his birthday next month. Sorry if any of you take offense to my next word choice but this is really how I felt: Nigga if you have money to vacay in South Beach then you need to be sending SOMETHING here for pull-ups, daycare, food, clothes, pick one! The nerve! Then he told me if he didnt come to Baby Boy's birthday party, then he would just send the money................ didn't happen. it slipped my mind, but Wendy reminded me last night while we ate Denny's. She told me I'm being dumb not to persue child support, because even if I don't get anything right now when he does get on track I will. I'm undecided. I just don't want the headache. Then every other day he's text messaging me paragraphs about us being together. Eff makes you think I want to be with you when you dont even act like an responsible adult on ANY level of life? Praise the Lord for divorce, even though I'm not proud I had to go that route, but look what my alternative was!

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh how did I leave my high school drama out? Okay so keep up. My friend from high school recently started coming around me and my group of friends.
"You guys are always traveling and having fun, I want that, my friends arent working or are broke and can never do simple things" she said.

Not a problem the more the merrier, right? So she's been coming around alot and going to church with me, and getting to know my friends near and far. Only problem is her and Tish are thee worst enemies. So as she's coming around more Tish is coming around less, until it became not at all. So fast forward to now. Tish had spoke with Kendall and basically she didnt want to come off as a hater, but she had received screenshots of my high school friend talking trash about us!

Apparently one of my friends was fat and had gotten huge since high school, Kendall looked dirty, and I was corny! Me... corny? WHET? Silly? Yes. Goofy? Heck Yes. Corny? Eff no!

So Kendall eventually tells me and I feel so naive. I always trust people too soon and try to see the best in them and even when I finally saw the screenshot I wanted to hope it was a lie. It just hurts my feeling that I can embrace someone and they be around me and my family and then talk crap behind my back! Grow up! I'm not mad though, I dont know when it was said, it could've been months ago, but it WAS said. I'm not even going to ask her about it because frankly you can't miss a friend you never had. So I'll be cordial but BISH YOUR NO LONGER IN THE CIRCLE! lol

I'll write more on Monday, anything you guys are wondering about that I havent mentioned? Or anyone? I have a one track mind, so remind me and I'll update!

Have a great weekend!