Flashback to Manny

August 2003

 

I was a freshman in college. I had about 2 “friends” and I use the term loosely. Two girls I had met over the summer at orientation. I hadn’t met Dani or Wendy or anyone yet so other than that I was in this new big city ALONE. And to top it off my mom had lied and said freshman couldn’t have their cars. They could. So here I was in the cafeteria scrunching my face up at the food options.

 

I had no clue who was going to be my new hair stylist here so to preserve my hairstyle, I hate to admit that I was wearing a scarf on my head (I know better now). It was rainy out that day so I had my reasons. I decided on the dry looking pizza and carried my tray to an empty table, trying to go unnoticed, I def want looking my best. The other 2 girls were still in line. I considered myself way too decent to eat any more then what was necessary to live off of here, so pizza would suffice.

 

 I found a seat in the crowded cafeteria and was thinking about how much I needed my car when I noticed someone approaching my area. It was a guy. Why was he walking this way? Why had I worn a scarf? Was I in his seat? Did I look like someone he knew? Of course not Jaycee, you looked a mess, so why was he coming over period?

 

“Can I sit here?” this guy with a little beard asked. I looked around at all the other free seats and wondered why the hell he had ventured my way.

 

“No” I simply said and picked at my food. I was super shy and super inexperienced. I didn’t know if I should be flirting or what but I could only be me.

 

“No?”, he laughed, “Well that’s rude”  andhe sat down anyway.

 

“So leave then” I gave him the answer to the problem. This was too much for me already, too much thinking. I don’t know what I was being such a bitch. My mouth was ALWAYS that smart. It just flowed out naturally. Luckily he found it cute. We bantered back and forth until my friends showed up and then he found his way back to this rowdy bunch of clearly popular college kids in the middle of the café.

 

“Whose that?” one of my friends asked intrigued

.

“Just some guy, I guess” I stared out into the floor and bit my pizza. Not too bad. Him, I’m referring too, the pizza was awful!

 

Him = Manny. Manny grew on me, he was an upper classmen like I guessed, and apparently very known throughout campus, along with his clique. He didn’t have a car back then, but his friends did, and they lived off campus. So Manny started to come get me and I would hang out with him all the time, having the time of my life. We never did anything sexual tho, I guess he knew I was young and naïve.

 

But one morning I thought he was going to try and panicked. I had rolled over on his side of the bed when he got up and saw condoms on the floor…… why were those out? I jumped up and threw my clothes on before he came back. He looked confused when he came back but he took me back to campus and we didn’t speak on it. I’m sure he was use to me being a weirdo at time by now.

 

Manny moved that next semester into another apartment, this time with 2 of his friends. I was there a TON, even when he wasn’t. I had my car by then and me and his roomates (Todd and Tim) were tight. Todd was super smart, and we studied heavy together, and he was genuinely a nice guy. Manny was still cool, but he wasn’t looking for a girlfriend, and even tho I was completely smitten with him I would soon learn life is cruel and boys are meanies.

 

One day I was taking a shower, and Manny got inside with me, you want to see pure terror? You should have seen me, no guy had EVER seen me in all my glory at this point. I bird bathed it and literally broke my neck hopping out. I had always been extremely self conscious. I had a nice physique but it still was a lot for me when it came to guys. I often told my friends and Kendall “I should have been whores like y’all in high school and I wouldn’t have these problems!” Jokes people! Sorta.

 

Anywho, a few weeks later I was getting ready to leave and Manny stopped me. “Jayce…….. babe Idk if you should stay over anymore until you are ready?”

 

Naïve Jaycee didn’t get that. Ready for what? I always stayed over. “Ummmmm I thought I was?” I looked confused as ever I’m sure.

 

“No I mean READY” he said it slower as if they explained it any better. But it did. I nodded my head and went to my campus apartment. I was not ready to have sex with Manny. I had JUST lost my virginity my freshman year to my high school sweetheart and honestly I felt the whole thing was overrated. I had cried afterwards because I had ruined my perfect image and “saving myself for marriage”. Yep I was such a dramatic. Life changed for me after I couldn’t stay at Manny’s with him anymore. I hung out with Todd and Tim at the apartment, hoping to run into him, but it was very rare I did. And eventually I gave up, when he started flat out ignoring me.

 

I couldn’t go home one of the semester breaks I had because I found out I had to get cysts removed from my ovaries. It was outpatient surgery and my roomie was going to be able to take me and bring me home, but she was going to have to leave the next day. Who the fuck was going to baby me? Todd and Tim were staying in town but I didn’t feel comfortable staying there and it wasn’t with Manny, that was pushing it, plus he had said I couldnt. So the first two days I slumped around feeling sorry for myself and eating raw cookie dough. My phone rang and I was surprised to see it was Manny.

 

“Pack your stuff, I’m coming to get you” he ordered.

 

“For what?” eff him as far as I was concerned.

 

“You are staying here the rest of the break, there’s always someone here, I can’t believe you wouldn’t tell me what was going on” he sounded pissed.

 

“I can’t stay there, I’m not “ready”” I was being sarcastic but he had been a douche so so what.

 

“Jaycee, get ya shit together, I’ll be there in a few” and he hung up.

 

I packed my stuff. Quickest I’d moved in days. And we played house for the next month, and all was well again. I was all healed up from my surgery, and I got to thinking maybe it wasn’t all about sex to him afterall. Maybe I was ready to make that next move with Manny. In my head having sex meant we would be in a relationship. I was experience enough that I could just bang someone and that be that. I was a late bloomer, so of course I’m thinking maybe he’s the one and we should seal the deal. But how did I know to him it wasn’t just sex? I know he cared about me, but honestly he was a young popular guy, I was a naïve country girl. This could get messy. How messy was the question…………… I’d soon find out.