Bundles and bundles of Joy!

Hi! *hangs head* I guess what I do is monthly updates. Let’s start with worst news first. I’m pregnant. More on that later. It’s complicated.

 Eden called. On HIS birthday at that. I want to lie and say I did not recognize the number but I did have a feeling it was him (I missed the call I was sleeping). I was sleeping because I was COMPLETELY worn out. Me and Baby Boy an my mom took a weekend trip to visit my friends up North and I got to see my sweetie pie Dante. He actually rented the car for me to come, I only got to see him the 1^st night I was in town. He took me and Dani out to eat. After that his work schedule kept us apart. He got off late and I tried to stay up but could not. I am always SO tired. I spent the rest of the weekend shopping with Dani and doing kiddie stuff and that was cool. I left early the next morning, as my mom was staying for another week. I stopped to see my Dad and we had lunch. Cam wasn’t there so I took Baby Boy to see him. He was being a jerk as usual, but Im immune to it now.

I actually had a job interview there, that same week. I know now I didn’t get it (found out the weekend) but I’m not mad about it. I DO want a new job, but I LOVE being around my family too, it’s definitely a good area to live in with beaches, and parks, and the help with Baby Boy. Cause that daddy of his………………. AINT CRAP.

Any who Eden kept calling and texting and eventually I gave in. I’m not sure why. I keep it short and cute, but I’d rather we remain distant memories and I told him that. I think I’m finally getting over him. I mean you ALWAYS will love your 1^st love, but his ish is washed up and the storyline is way old.

Deacon. Hmmmmm. I don’t know where to start. He’s around. Swamped with school and work. Plenty of time for me to get into mischief. I like Deacon and I know you all know I can stand on my own two feet. I’m a natural born provider. I am not the girl that seeks to be taken care of, I got this ish handled. HOWEVER, I am still a girl, I like being spoiled. And while he pays for dinners, there’s hardly anything else. The topic came up a few weeks ago ironically. He asked me did it bother me. I told him I realized it was just him, but yes a little it did. So I was honest. He claims once he’s squared away things will be different. I don’t see how. If that’s you it just is. I’ll always be a lil spoiled brat.

Me and Kendall fell out. Yes, my cousin. My closest cousin that I’m attached to at the hip. It happened about a month ago. She’s pregnant and she has these extreme requests for her baby shower. Like they have meetings and everything. I don’t have the time for the meetings, I’m tired enough as is after work. So I told her just delegate what I need to do and I’d do my part. Obviously that didn’t work for her and we got into the dumbest blow out about it. It’s been weeks and while I love her, I haven’t had the time to really focus on it. Which is good and bad. The good is I have been extremely too busy to care, the bad is we were really close. And its DUMB because I was going to do whatever needed, I just didn’t need to attend meetings to get the mess done.

Deacon spent Easter with my family. It was nice, he was glad we came but I have to admit: At church he was talking to another young lady. All regular I’m sure, but it irritated the crap out of me. I’m fully aware I have this disease with guys called “I don’t want them but I don’t want anyone else to have them”. Cure me!

We had Spa Night for my Aunt birthday last weekend and she came, we both acted normal, but it was weird. I felt weird anyway. I’m use to us being a certain way and its definitely not like that anymore.

I really wish someone would steal my heart again. Deacon did last year but then he effed it up. I now you all think I need to be alone, but listen that doesn’t work. All that does is make me talk to a bunch of different people and play little “What if” games.  I’m so scared of losing someone I come across that I just can’t NOT entertain them. I like Deacon but I can’t put all my eggs in his basket, because we are SO different. I’m worried I would be miserable trying to please him in the long run. I love Dante, but he’s not here. Cam was a good match for me, but he’s bat shit crazy and incapable of being secure and mentally stable. I swear he needs a check from Social Security. Eden is a non-factor. There are others of course, but no one that can cancel everyone out! Or should I say no one I’m willing to take the risk for!

So that brings the baby back into play. The daddy of course right? Well it doesn’t take a genius to know it would be Deacon…… so that might make my decision a tad bit more easier if I include that little tid bit of information lol. Sigh…………… why do I do these things to myself!?