I suck with options FYI

Why does life throw curveballs? And why the heck would life think I’m the one that wants to play catch with those curve balls?

Yesterday I entertained Cam. Not intentionally. He hit me up and asked me could I come to some “Peace Offering Celebration”

Me: What the eff is that Cam?

Cam: Event is this Saturday, can you make it or not?

Me: What event?

Cam: Yes or no, that’s all I want to know

Me: I don’t know Homecoming is this weekend, I was trying to go to that but its not looking too bright honestly, money problems.

I always talked about lack of money to Cam, I just wanted to rub in that my life wasn’t as peachy cream as he thought it to be.

Cam: Well if you drive up I’ll get you a room, I’ll take Baby Boy with me for the night. I want to talk to you face to face though and see him, and maybe take y’all out.

Of course you do. This opened up a can of worms, he spent the rest of the day talking about how he has changed and realized the little things he got mad at me for weren’t even really worth the argument, and if I give him a chance to prove that I won’t regret it. But I regret every time I’ve given him a chance to prove something, cause Cam doesn’t change, he camouflages. Then he turns right back into his true colors. I still can’t front though I missed him, we were good together we were GOOD. But the bad outweighed the good so he had to go. But there were things I could do with Cam I can’t do with Deacon. Call me immature, cause I know its coming. Cam is well rounded. We could go to church and to a bar. Not to get sloppy drunk, but just to enjoy the music and sip something. Deacon isn’t going to a bar, he drinks, way more than me in fact and will even order it when we are out. But, all we do is dinner and movies, the occasional bike ride, and nothing else outside of that. I know me….. it’s going get old real quick. I am not a routine person. That’s why this little get away with Cam sounded right up my alley, it was out the blue and all I had to do was show up. I didn’t tell him I was considering it tho, I just let him tell me sweet nothings all evening and then let an attitude build up towards Deacon.

Deacon had texted me and said he would be over around 7 since I had told him I wasn’t going to Bible Study. This was great because usually he never made it over until after 9 when I was already settled in bed (he stayed over every night, yep every single one).

So I met Kendall and chatted for a bit to kill time and before heading home. I was telling her about Cam’s texts.

“You are playing with fire Jaycee, you are going to go up there and get all in your feelings and cheat!” Kendall warned me.

I shook my head at her “I won’t, shoot I hope I wouldn’t, I’m SO not a cheater, but you are right, it’s very possible.” And me and Cam made such a cute baby, ugh why was he so fine? I left Kendall and drove home with all my wild thoughts.

Deacon was texting me but my other friend stopped by and time got away from me as we caught up. Reagan and me got to gossiping basically. Reagan is my friend from high school, who had a baby late last year, she’s really self-conscious because she has gained all this weight, but she’s cute a s a button. Her boyfriend is trash though basically. Meanwhile Deacon was blowing my phone up and I just never responded. He didn’t want anything, he had just texted me and I told him 7 was cool. He was the type that wanted long responses, for what? I’ll see you when you get here. Reagan left around six, and Deacon had texted me again.

Deacon: Why did it take you an hour to respond?

I explained to him my friend had come over and we were talking. Looking back on it I could have just said “Reagan” so he would know it was a female but I didn’t, I left the door open for him to assume. He told me he was now going to Bible Study and would be over after. Not going to lie I got pissed. Why the eff did you tell me 7 then? In addition, that would be how Cam got so much of my attention that evening. I was bored and pissed and entertained him for longer than I should have, and it was all Deacons fault. Okay it wasn’t but I hated that he waited until the last minute to cancel on me. He’s lucky it was for church or I really would’ve spazzed. Deep down I just hated that he always came over after the day was gone. I kind of feel like it’s to avoid Baby Boy which is fine, but just state that, I would completely understand. But that can’t be it because in the mornings he will ask can he wake him up and things like that. So I do not know.

Long story short, he came over, we argued about the whole situation, and went to bed mad, he could have stayed home for all that. This morning was tense and we have been texting but my end is definitely forced. I want to lash out again, but for what? It’s no point really.

Deacon is starting to bore me………………….. okay bore isn’t the right word. Irritate me, I don’t like bickering, I did that with Cam, and I’m seeing a pattern with him. He really blew me last night. I have to figure all this out.

P.S No I didn’t tell Eden the truth yet……. And no I don’t know if I will. That’s a hard pill to cough back up guys!