I'm Alive!

Sorry guys, I’m fine! I had a mental breakdown right after my last post. Deacon cut me off! He washed his hands of me and surprisingly I was heartbroken. I couldn’t figure out if I really cared or if I just didn’t like the fact that HE was the one that cut the cord. Either way I laid holed up in my house for about a week depressed. I told all my friends not to bother me and was a complete BIOTCH. The weekend before I had thought something happened to him. So me, Kendall, and Taye staged a stakeout at his house. Didn’t last long before we got bored, all it did was worry me more because he wasn’t home and it was late. So, we went to my house and called all the hospitals just to be safe. Nothing came up and I was a nervous wreck until I got to church Sunday, Low and behold the bastard was up there and look perfectly fine! I was pissed! He smirked at me, but we didn’t talk and after church I went off. Didn’t help, he said he was basically done, and that’s when reality set in.

I know I shouldn’t have tried to be a little player but I was honestly confused. And I know I put myself in the situation but what the hell!? To cut me of? I tried everything too to break him down and finally agreed to let me come over. After a bunch of games anyway, he was really taking advantage. He would say a time, then change it, then he said he was coming over, then he would say no come to him, bull crap like that but I did it. I ended up writing a super long email saying how much he meant to me, and the bastard laughed! I ended up crying and that is when he softened up and told me he just wasn’t sure he could get pass me being so blatantly disrespectful. Especially since I knew how his ex-had cheated. I got it; I think I just thought I was too good to be dumped. Like I could get away with anything. Not this go round.

Therefore, I picked up the pieces, and got myself back on track. I apologized to my friends an got my hair done, an my nails and feet, and started dressing up super classy for work. Anything to lift my spirits. And you know who started showing up? Deacon! I can’t remember how it started but he was back to coming around and staying the night and taking me out and for a while we were…………….. normal again.

I said if I got him back I was cutting everyone off, but during our “break”, Eden actually was my listening ear. And he wasn’t being biased. So when we got back on track it was bittersweet for Eden. Fast forward and last week I’m sitting around watching TV and Deacon says “646…………… hmmm I don’t know anyone with a New York area code” then he laughed. I knew someone, Eden! I didn’t think anything of it, but then I glanced at my phone and Eden had texted me. Nothing crazy but he had definitely texted and asked, “Are you still ignoring me?” There was no way possible Deacon had saw my phone, it had been face down. Weird right?

I slept on it and decided either he’s a effing weirdo, or he hacked my phone! I asked him why he said “646” and his response was “It just popped in my head; I told you I have visions, and I know you are having inappropriate conversations with someone in NY, I’m asking you to stop before I get fed up. If I’m your man you have no reason to still be conversing with other men 3 months into our relationship”.

I was SO freaked out. That’s weird I don’t care how you slice and dice it. So everyone has been being ignored on my phone. Let them think I fell off the face of the Earth so be it!

Everyone except Cam, he is determined to make me see he has changed. I don’t want to get into that though, this is enough for now on him.

Anyway, Deacon was fine then we were battling the whole celibate thing again since we slipped up and he decided he shouldn’t stay over anymore. I was fine with that but he was being distant. I asked him was he becoming unsure about us, but he kept saying that wasn’t the case at all he was just going thru a lot. He said I don’t support him and I definitely do, so I asked what else could I be doing? This bastard said : By not riding my back. Meaning pressing him! The nerve! That was rude, but okay. He wants me to not press him? Got it, watch how it feels when I pay your tail no mind!

 Wendy came down about a week ago and he freaked me out then too. We went out with Kendall to a club and they both drove. I rode there with Kendall and back with Wendy. And he texted asking where I was, I told him. He asked how I got home and I said Kendall, not thinking. He said “You are lying I KNOW Kendall didn’t drive you home!” I’m thinking what’s the big deal anyway, but his theory was “if you will lie about something as small as that you will lie about anything”. Long story short I went to his house afterwards and he started again with this vision theory. He said he had a vision of Wendy driving me home, a black car (which Wendy has), and a guy whispering in my ear at the bar. So again, either he was spying or he’s got some weird special powers lol

I took a much-needed break because I had way too much going on to even put into words. It’s halfway figured out but you know me…… I cannot walk a straight path to save my life. There’s always SOMETHING and nothing has changed trust me!