Derek really screwed me up in the head; I mean his ass
really did a number on me. He was ideal in my eyes and now I doubted him. How
much? So much that I got back with Cam!
Seriously, lol I cut everyone off. I really did an “Its not
you, it’s me, I need more then you can give right now” texts to all my little
whores and basically started ignoring them. Baby Boy had been acting up in
school so Cam had been coming around more and honestly, it was just easier
having him around for help. So much easier that my judgment was clouded and I
said maybe we can work after all.
Cam was all for it . He started coming over every day and
taking Baby Boy to school so I could sleep in. Of course, we started having
sex, no protection whatsoever. The first time he came inside of me I freaked
out though.
“Why would you do that?” I shrieked. I was on birth control
so I was not THAT worried, but still he hadn’t known that.
“I want a baby with you Jaycee, we can be a real family
again” he sounded like a damn Lifetime movie.
I thought about it and started saying a 2nd kid would
not be so bad, my son needed a sibling perhaps. What I didn’t think about was
all the hell he had put me through with the one we had up until now. Any who,
we kept at it, everyday basically trying to make one. The responsible thing to
do would have been to actually fix us first, but my dumb ass completely skipped
all irrationality. Because at the end of the day if Cam effed up again, it was
me who would be the single mother with 2 kids.
We actually did well tho, up until last week. We took a trip
to New York City. It was his birthday, and he said he had some friends there,
well I did too from my college days so it worked out perfectly. I actually
called my friends ahead of time and made plans and I advised Cam to do the
same. His response was “I don’t need to do all that, my niggas will be down for
whatever” Grow up! Seriously, but whatever. We get there and surprisingly (to
him not me) all his friends were either out of toen themselves, at work, or had
plans. Therefore, we met up with my friends first and hung out with them and
their mates and I thought we were having a good time honestly. Cam was chatting
and so was I. A few hours passed and I told them we had to run. We got in the
car and I was all smiles until I noticed his glare.
“What’s wrong?” I asked buckling my seat belt while also
trying to wave goodbye as we sped off.
“You, its always about you, it’s my birthday and you spend half
the day with YOUR friends like I aint have people I needed to see, now everyone
busy again!” he fussed.
I wanted to say they were busy from jump but I bit my lip
for a moment instead. “So why didn’t you tell me, they had freed up, we could
have been left” I said calmly.
“I shouldn’t have had to tell you, fuck I wasted my time
even coming out here, and you could’ve come by your damn self!”
He went on and on and on, I asked him to stop for food mid-way
in his rant and he did, but he wouldn’t eat. When I came out the take out spot
he was in the passenger seat.
“You can drive since this was your trip” he spit out. How
was I going to eat? That was my concern, I was sick of the attitude he had with
me since he is the one that failed to plan. We spent a hour fussing about why I
couldn’t drive, which was my way to finish my food, and then I decided to
drive. He did get to see one friend, but he was still pissed.
We went to see War Room the next day, and listen people, if
you listen to nothing else I say this is a must see, its AWESOME, trust me on
this one. It’s for all ages and I swear you will not leave the same. If you don’t
believe in God, don’t go tho, because of course you probably will not like it,
no offense, no judging, just saying lol.
Anyway the movie had
us in better spirits. In addition, the positivity in it had me practicing
things that happened in the movie, one was taking my problems to prayer instead
of battling them on my own or with the person. Ever since I started that I haven’t
been too sure about Cam. He works and currently lives an hour away. So yes him
coming down was a good gesture, but if I’m pregnant, and he’s an hour away, who
the fuck is helping me with two kids!? Of course my parents, but isn’t that how
I am now with Cam or when we were beefing. His resolution was for me to move
with him. Away from my family and support and uproot my baby from his school.
“Cam that makes no sense, then what about daycare for the
new born, my mom is not going to come way out there to watch the baby, she
keeps Kendall’s baby too.”
“We can figure it out Jaycee” but we had not.
We had small little arguments, but financially I had worked
on him too. I told him he needed to start putting his checks in our old joint
account, so I could monitor what the hell was going on with his money that he
never could save. That was the reason we divorced prior, well one of many, but
finances. I was the breadwinner and I had not liked it one bit. But he had been
putting the money in the account so I couldn’t complain (mind you I posted a
month ago, ALL of this happened in a matter of weeks, I really need self-evaluation,
I’m started to think I am crazy). I have learned that I act entirely too
quickly off impulse. There is no reason we should be moving this fast
especially with the past we have had.
Then I got mad, because I have trips planned for next
summer, I cannot go with a new born. I have been ripping and running all
summer. The first week Cam and me banged I went to North Carolina, the next I
went to Philadelphia, the next me and Cam went to NYC, and this past weekend I
went to D.C. I took Baby boy everywhere but to D.C. It was a girls trip.
We went and booked a ridiculously priced hotel downtown,
parking was $41!!! The effing nerve.
We were dolled up and hit the nightlife. I HAD to stop in this
area called Adams Morgan, because they had a pizza spot that sold jumbo slices
that would make you slap your mother. While there one of my friends shoe heels
snapped, so we had to go back to the hotel downtown, by the time I’m tired and
fall asleep on the way to the club, but it ended up being a good time.
The next say we woke up and went to a drag show brunch
called Perry’s. Very entertaining, we headed back home after. Cam has been pretty cool about all the trips,
but he’s NEVER NOT working. He has his regular job then little side jobs, so I
hardly ever see him except to sleep. And he always wants to have sex, so I
started to feel like this was very one sided, and I started to get scared
because I could very well be pregnant!
I woke up this morning forgetting it was only September 30th
and thinking it was October 1st and that I had officially missed my
period. Cam and Baby boy were sound asleep in my bed and I snuck in my personal
bathroom and grabbed a pregnancy test. I had to pee so bad and was getting piss
everywhere trying to get it on that stupid stick since I hadn’t properly
prepped for it. I finally got enough on it and sat it on the sink. I refused to
look at it until I got out the shower I had started running. Of course, I took
a freaking birdbath being anxious and hurried out to check it.
I grabbed the test and almost passed out. What………………….. the………………
fuck!
