Back 2 Back :P

Have you all ever took a pole dancing class?

Grab all your gals and take one, its SUPER fun. You don’t have to be a toothpick either. I have some heavy hitters and they still worked it!

One of my friends did it for her birthday last week. Her husband booked us a session and I was excited. Kendall and I decided to wear shorts because apparently that’s what the professionals wear so you can grip the pole with your thighs (I barely made it off the ground). I was feeling super sexy in my new shorts and top ensemble I grabbed from the exercise section of a department store. I paired it with heels (also required) and I had a selfie good time, sending pics to Wells. He was in class, but I had a feeling I was the only topic he was studying. I ended up rushing out once I noticed the time tho, I was late! Luckily my hair was in braids, so I didn’t have to worry about that part of me.

Derek had funded my expensive braids a few weeks ago. He always gave what I asked for, so the $200 came in handy since I could save my own money. I still had to figure out what to do about him. We weren’t an item but if I needed something I always asked him because I knew it was no big deal to him. And we spoke throughout the week. I’m pretty sure he expected me to be talking to him and only him, but things with Wells were heating up so I had to think on that one. Plus he was 400 miles away. I always asked him what did he expect to happen with us and when because “this” wasn’t cutting it.

Any who the class was awesome until I got a text from Cam.

Cam: I just saw a $200 deposit in your account the same day you got your hair braided from someone in another state, did your male friend pay for that?

I ignored it. We still had a joint account and I kept it open because that’s how he deposited money to me for Baby Boy. On the flip side, if ANYONE, friends or family had to pay me for something I used that account too because it’s the only one I have memorized. NOT for Cam to be filtering through deposits and ish.

Cam: That’s fucked up I was taking you out and buying you stuff and you kept telling me you only want to be friends, but you weren’t telling this guy that!

Ignored.

Cam: You slick Jaycee I ain’t mad though, just mad I was being played.

Sooooo you are mad or you aren’t mad? That text threw me off lol. But clearly I always told Cam I wanted to co-parent and be cool. Now if he insists on keep trying to woo me that’s his fault. And I already know you all’s take on this: Don’t allow him too it sends the wrong message!

Okay I got it, I stopped now, this was all a few months ago, but he’s pissed either way. I still never responded. Eff Cam! Or so I thought, the joke would be on me.

Instead I went home and cleaned up and waited for Wells. We had been flirting every sense our last time together about him feasting on me. He definitely came, showed up, and showed out. He had been at it for about an hour before I caved in and told him let’s just do the deed. He looked surprised and scurried around getting himself together. So it was safe to say he really had no ill intentions at first. Me on the other hand………..

One thing I can say about him is he has excellent stamina, I tapped out. It was super late in the morning and I was beyond tired. We cuddled up and the next morning he wanted to go to church with me…………… I agreed, then reneged. It would be just my luck Deacon would be there. But he insisted on coming.

We drove separate and I got there first and Deacon was front and center, not paying me a bit of mind. Cool!

Wells came in and it’s like a switch went off. Deacons head snapped around and he actually grilled me and mouthed “Who the hell is that?” In church! I just smiled. He kept that up the rest of the service though and I hoped no one caught on.

After church we went to my moms, I had to go to a baby shower for my cousin and Wells offered to drive us.

“You are SOOOOO trying to get to know my fam, but they can’t keep you around sir!” I joked.

“I just like being with you, whatever that entails” he told me, making me grin.

 We had a good time and afterwards I went to take Baby Boy home but he insisted on staying with my parents. Know what that meant? Nightcaps with the boo!

Something told me to check my joint bank account and just like a lame would do, Cam had taken $200 out of the money he gave me for Baby Boy! So freaking petty. I went off and accused him of doing it because he’s bitter and he actually agreed! Who does that? Someone gave me money (which he still didn’t know who, could have been my besties or anyone) and you take it from your child because you’re mad? Grow up.

 He ended up meeting me to give it back, but it was the principle! Ughhhhh THIS is why I don’t trust my judgment when it comes to guys. I pick the losers time and time again.

 Any who once I got back to my house I was determined to screw my annoyance away. When I say Wells always had me cumming back to back! He’s like my new favorite. I’m not even an overall sexual person but it’s always me pressing him. He ended up going to sleep on me tho but by 4a.m we were back up and running.

I went to work super happy that Monday morning, literally on Cloud 9,10,11, and half of 12. Then my manager dropped a bomb on me……………….. mood changed!

If you're smitten and you know it clap your hands (CLAP CLAP!)

Tuesday morning was the start of a new change for me and Baby Boy. Nothing big, Cam was being a jerk again. He usually came and took him to school in the mornings so I didn’t have to wake him up at the crack of dawn. But typical Cam he was ONCE AGAIN mad at me for not “agreeing to work things out” and had decided I should “figure out on my own how to get him to school because he doesn’t have to take him he’s just doing me favor”. I laughed. Really?

You are not helping me out when he belongs to us both, you are simply being a parent. But I use to take him before so not a big deal just required us to get up a little earlier to start out days. Luckily it went smooth.

That evening was a different story. His teacher said he had been a horror in school all week. I decided tonight I was not going to call and tell Cam, whose usually the disciplinarian. I had to learn to parent on my own. Whenever I had tried to get his help lately when Baby Boy acted up his response was “You wanted to be a single parent so deal with it” or “This is what happens when children act out from broken homes”. BULLSHIT! So I set in my mind I would handle it.

I took him to swim class that evening like everything was fine, went home and fed him, and bathed him, and then it was show time. If you don’t believe in spankings you should stop reading now because I whooped my kid! And I’m not sorry about it. I told him why I was spanking him and that he could not disrespect his teacher or any adult anymore, he couldn’t tell Mommy “No” or that “You get on my nerves”. Like really how many nerves do you have at the age of 3 anyway?

He had been extremely rude to people and talking back, but around Cam he was the most polite kid ever. But it was music to my ears when he said “Yes ma’am, I’m sorry, it will not happen again”. I told him no TV and he nodded an went right to bed.

It was super early like 7p.m so I felt accomplished. I did a quick workout Wells had sent me and fixed myself some dinner. Eventually I showered and dozed off. Very productive day J

Wednesday we had a good morning and I remind my kid of the game plan we had on his behavior. I went to walk out my door and there was a box blocking me from pushing it open. I immediately backed up thinking Cam had placed a bomb there to kill us both to make his life easier. I got ahold of myself and took a closer look and saw the nickname on the box that Wells called me. I checked my phone and saw I had a few minutes to spare, so I warmed my car up and took the box inside.

I opened it to find a letter, a cute little ugly money (yes both), and some different flavors of yogurt, complete with ice to keep them cold. The letter was telling me this was something hopefully to brighten my day and the Monkey was to keep me company when he was absent. I had the biggest grin on my face and then hurried to put the stuff away and start our commute. Once I got to work I read the letter a few more times before sending him a text expressing my gratitude.

“Jaycee, you have a huge nail in your tire” my coworker poked his head into my cubicle knocking me out of my little morning fairytale.

I silently cursed and thanked him and went to take a look, sure enough there was a freaking nail there, I snapped a pic and sent it to Wells asking if he knew somewhere I could take it before it went flat. He told me he did, but I didn’t hear from him again until around noon.

Wells: I’m going to come check your tire out, I’ll be at your job in a few. I was reading his text out loud to my other co-worker friend.

“He’s a fucking stalker, he pops up at your house whenever he wants, leaves flowers every damn where, and now his ass coming here! Next time he’s going to be standing at your door himself butt naked with a damn bow on his head!” she went on.

I laughed, “He’s not a stalker, he’s just super sweet, come outside with me when he gets here and feel him out” I suggested.

She agreed and 10 minutes later we were all outside.

“I’m just going to plug it myself, that way you will not have to go after work and you will not have to get overcharged for something easy” he told me.

“Ummm ok, our lunch is short so just take the car and let me know when you are done” I handed over my keys. He nodded and me and my friend went back inside.

“he’s cute Jaycee, I didn’t get a negative vibe from him at all, maybe persistent is a better word to use then stalker, he is definitely showing you he cares” she told me her change of heart. I kept that in mind and went on to finish my day.

Three hours later my car still wasn’t back. I just figured he had lied and really didn’t know what the hell was doing, but soon after he showed up, with my freshly plugged tire, a washed car, and a big bowl of Coldstone ice cream with my favorite flavor.

“I had to do something for my boo, since I was out” he said handing me the keys and ice cream. I found myself grinning again. Fuck, what was he so thoughtful. He had to get to class so he left quickly and I sat at my desk like a teenager smiling and eating my ice cream.

 

That evening Baby Boy had a J on his report for the day and was so excited. Shoot so was I, I had effectively (no judging) solved a problem that had been a big issue in our household. I went to the gym and then met my coworker for dinner before calling it a night. I was running behind so Baby Boy didn’t get to bed until around 9. I did some cleaning an got our things ready for the next day and then settled down. It was around 11 and Wells was getting out of class so I figured I’d chat with him until he made it home. Only he never did…………….

 

No cliffhanger lol he ended up outside my door. His car was in the middle of the street and he had another letter in his hand (I had a thing for letters). Instead of grabbing it I walked back inside, subtly inviting him in. I was dead wrong I had on a t-shirt and nothing else. I had been on my couch where I had slept the last few days. For no reason other than it was super comfy.

He came in and smiled when he noticed that ugly little monkey by my makeshift bed. We sat up just talking for the next hour and the next time I looked at the clock it was almost 1a.m.

He propped my feet up on his lap and just massaged my legs, he took his time and eventually his fingers slid into my wet box. (No undies). Usually I HATE for someone to finger me, but this actually felt calming, I relaxed my body and let him work my middle. I was truly enjoying it, but trying not to show it when my body deceived me and trembled. Then again, and again. I was literally being put to sleep with one hand. I was in my own little world of ecstasy. Soon after we both slid into sleep and before I knew it was time for me to get up. My alarm sounded off and I got up and remembered what had happened a few hours ago and smiled. We still had never kissed tho, but it wasn’t about to go down now with my morning breath. I ushered him out quickly and went to start our morning routine.

I finally checked my phone when I got to work and settled.

 

Wells: Man last night felt like a dream and I didn’t even get to really do anything just being in your presence makes me feel good, I love your body, and your brain.

 

I still like him y’all!

Back to the Future: Wells Fargo

This is kind of lengthy but I wanted to get it all out. Since I'm a sucky blogger of course I can’t keep up with what and who I have told you about! Either way refreshers never hurt anyone right. Let’s take it back 11 months ago. I was in the bank getting money orders for Baby Boys daycare….. wait guys I did post about it! Last December! And you know what’s funny? I have on the EXACT same outfit I met him in today. Kind of creepy, but that’s a sign I should tell you. Here’s and clip of what I wrote almost a year ago about him ( its color coded so you can skip it if you remember halfway J):

I know I’m supposed to be focusing on me and leaving guys alone but things just have a way of knocking me off track. I was dead set on this new mission of mines too and I was leaving the bank last Friday. I was looking good and feeling even better. I had my hair in big loose girls and a long tight grey dress on that worked wonders for physique (because you know I’m struggling with my weight lately, dramatically of course because I’m a drama queen). Any who I had it topped off with a cute black leather blazer, and black leather boots with a heel and my huge black leather MK bag. All that black leather so I was feeling pretty Billy Bad Azz! I hoped in my car and I’m backing up an someone starts hounding on the horn.

“WTF, did I hit their darn car” I thought to myself. Cause I have been known to do that. I was about to panic and I looked behind me, the last thing I needed was another accident under my belt, my driving record sucked. A guy rolled his window down. I looked at his front bumper first to see the damage, because if it was bad I swear I was about to flee the scene! It looked fine so I rolled my window down prepping my weasel my way out of this. Such a slickster I am.

He mouthed something and I really was confused as I looked then I finally realized he was asking my name.

“You just going to keep yelling at me from your car?” I asked. He laughed and motioned to give him a minute as he parked and came out towards me. He had on construction worker clothes but he was cute nonetheless.

“Sorry, I saw you coming out the bank and I didn’t want you to get away” he started. I just stared; get to the point, “what’s your name?”

“Jaycee” Shoot, I meant to lie and say my middle name or something, caught me slipping.

“Jaycee huh? That’s cute, you’re cute, I know I sound crazy you just really caught me off guard, you are gorgeous,” he continued to stare.

He was great for my ego but for some reason I saw the sincerity. I was now glad I had decided to abort the ponytail I had been rocking the last few days and actually curl my hair.

“Thanks!” I beamed, “and you are?”

He told me his name was Wells Fargo. Well of course he didn’t say that but that’s what we are going to call him, because that’s my bank. Let’s shorten it to Wells. Me and Wells talked for about three minutes, I told him I was headed to get Baby Boy and again he went on about how I certainly didn’t look like I had ever had a child. Tell that to the scale, I wanted to say. I did end up giving him my number and I know that was probably a bad idea. I know, I know, I know but he was nice! And I hadn’t met him in a club or anything like that so I figured what if this was Mr. Right?

 

So clearly when I met him I was still tied up with Deacon’s crazy behind, then came Cam so he kind of got played to the left. But my lack of attention never swayed him. That same month me and my coworker hurried in my car from the cold headed to an office Christmas party. I was letting the car warm up when she squealed. I jumped panicking thinking someone was trying to rob us. It got dark early and I’m dramatic so my mind ran.

“You have flowers on your windshield!” she giggled. I didn’t. My coworkers didn’t know I was divorced, they still only knew Cam. Someone tapped my window and this time I squealed. It was my supervisor.

“Some guy in a big truck put those on your car about an hour ago, he had on a cap and a lot of hair, it wasn’t hubby tho” she laughed.

“And you didn’t think to tell me some stranger put something on my car, geez thanks! What if it was a crazy person?” I was irritated with her but more so him for being seen. I knew what she was thinking.

My other coworker kept asking who sent them and I played stupid. That was turn off #1.

 

Valentine’s Day was next up. I wasn’t home for whatever reason and he had come to my house once. I came home to balloons and other pleasantries on my doorstep from him. Popping up at my house: Turn off #2.

 

I remember Mother’s Day, he called me to the door at work with this gigantic balloon and flowers. It was seriously ridiculous for me not to be the mother of his kids. None the less it warmed my heart. I acted like he was the delivery guy and heard all day how awesome my husband was. #3

 I got my wisdom teeth pulled once too, and Deacons azz knew I hadn’t ate all day and still said he had to go home first before checking on me. Wells dropped off like 4 different kinds of ice cream when I said I was sick of eating applesauce and soups. He didn’t try to stay either, just dropped them off and kept it moving.

He met me and Baby Boy at a park once and some little bastards would share their basketball with my kid. I was pissed. But the next night you know who dropped off a brand new basketball for me to give him to take to the park from now on.

 My birthday was in June and you know I had a house full. I was hung over but on my car were balloons, a card, and a gift card to PF Changs he had dropped off earlier. Not so much of a turn off. But I still didn’t give him the time of day. I didn’t see why he was so interested, plus I was chasing behind Deacon and Cam back and forth, amongst others.

 

So it was no surprise when he texted me the beginning of this month. I tried my luck to see where his head was.

“Is it cold outside? I want ice cream!” I grinned, he couldn’t see me it was a text.

 

Wells: What kind?

We chatted back and forth about my favorites an right before I got off there he was with my ice cream. And he had cut his hair, before he had hair. I hated guys with hair. I had always complained about it but now it was gone and he looked………………… different. Cute even. I decided I liked it. I

’ve been texting and talking to him since then and last weekend Wendi came in town for a few days. We were out to dinner and I decided to invite him out, and to get her opinion. I introduced him and she went right in with her rude self.

“Is that a Movado?” she asked gesturing to his watch.

“Yeah it is” he rubbed his wrist and laughed.

She texted me “Impressive, those things cost” and I rolled my eyes. I wasn’t a jewelry type of gal.

We ended up all having good convo an I told him how I was paying to get my car detailed that next morning, he said he would do it so we met up for that before a hair appointment I had. I dropped Wendi off at the train station and went to get my hair done, which took hours. It was midnight when I left out the shop and what’s on my car? Flowers!

This past weekend I decided to try him one on one.

So Saturday I’m at my moms and baby Boy is harassing  us about playing catch with him. Its super dark outside and cold so I keep telling him no. Then I get a bright idea. Wells is on the phone so I’m like “Come play catch with Baby Boy!” I think it’s safe because my best friend is on her way over so it’s not just us there with my son. And he came and actually played….. ok Wells!

Sunday he came over that morning and trained me (he’s into fitness and well I’m not), we worked out with him leading me and I was purely pissed that he wasn’t cutting me any slack. After we finished I showered and Kendall came to get me to go to a drag show brunch. Afterwards he asked if he could take me and Baby Boy out for ice cream, so we went and then we went to some kiddie store to play.

 

Monday (yesterday) I was off and he texted me around noon and asked if I wanted catch a movie before his class? So we went to a midday movie it was cute, he growing on me guys.

Consumations (Flashback)

Me and Eden were hot shit on campus. He had his little fan club and I had mines so together we were a force to be reckoned with.

 Manny was pissed, he tried to slide back in, like he usually did with me when I pulled away,  but it was too late.

Which now I’m surprised at, because as you all know I’m a sucker and I can’t hold a stable decision to change my life. I will always have what if moments when it comes to people coming in my life, so the 2015 Jaycee would have definitely gave Manny another shot.  But the 2004 Jaycee was not having it and  I stuck it out with Eden. You go girl!

We didn’t have the title either at this point,  but it was established basically. I only talked to him and vice versa. We did everything together, and did that whole annoying new couple routine that friends always complain about.

 Little did I know tho while Eden was chasing behind me the last year he had a lot of chicks chasing behind him and had been quite the little whore. So a whole lot of hate came my way and girls trying to make me feel insecure. To them it was why her? She’s country, she’s too skinny, she’s not even all that, etc. Heck I didn’t even know why. Some of these chicks were top notch, but I knew he wanted me for whatever reason and flaunted me around and didn’t care who knew. And that was enough for me.

“Eden you have GOT to tell me who these chicks are, I’ve got people in the canteen staring at me and rolling their eyes and then I find out its behind you! I need to know who I should be watching out for” I fussed at him one day walking into his room.

“No one, fuck them bitches, they all hoes baby girl, I had them and tossed them, now they want your spot. They made I didn’t make them my girl and they gave it up” he shrugged it off.

To him it was that simple. It was mind over matter. He said he didn’t mind, and they didn’t matter. But I did mind because these wenches were ruthless. They showed blatant disrespect. Sometimes I’d be at Eden’s apartment and it was full of people (he had 4 other roommates, they had rented a 5 bedroom house) and these girls made it their business to let me “overhear” certain things or just down right flirt with him in my face. I hadn’t had sex with Eden so they had one up on me, not that they knew that tho. But it still bothered me at times.

We made it thru fall semester of sophomore year just fine and after we survived Christmas break I figured it was time to make another move in whatever it was we were doing.

 It was February 8, 2005, I remember it was a Tuesday, go check if you don’t believe me lol, but I had some class that day, however I was laid up with Eden in his room. Some girl had just blasted thru on his phone. Back then we had these phones and I can’t remember the name of them, they were popular! You could use them like a walkie talkie too. And it would come right thru, as long as you were not on a call, and that had just happened. I knew the girl from campus and she was one of the disrespectful ones. Her and Eden had a class together and she always tried to make it seem like there was something going on with them if I was around. So of course I had went off because she shouldn’t feel that comfortable, which then meant Eden had to tell the girl off to make me feel better about it. I hopped on top of him after and decided I wanted to consummate our relationship and make this thing official. It wasn’t necessarily because of the girl it just seemed like it was time. What was I waiting for anyway?

“What about your class Jaycee?” he had asked. I loved that he had never pressed me about my decision to wait. At first I knew because it was because he was doing his own thing, but lately he had been all about me and still didn’t rush it.

“I’m skipping it” I whispered, kissing his neck. I was SO not the sexual, knows what she’s doing, type (and I’m still not honestly). That’s why y’all never see me going into details about intercourse, usually the guys the initiator, which I prefer, and I need him to be a certified freak. That’s what works for me since I get so shy. That’s what I had with Eden and everything always just flowed. Always had.

We went into a heavy round of foreplay and before I knew what was happening we were having sex. It was……………………. Perfect. I loved him right then and there. Sounds cliché, but I swear that’s how I felt. I knew right then and there at 19 and a half that he was the one. When we finished I fell down on top of him and whispered in his ear “You know you’re my boyfriend now right?”

Eden just laughed “yeah Baby girl  I know, wouldn’t have it any other way”.

Adios Manny..... Hola Eden! (Flashback cont'd)

Summer 2004

 

“Jayce we were supposed to been on the road 2 hours ago, what are you doing now?” Manny was coming out of his apartment with his arms raised.

“I had to grab stuff sheesh, I’m ready now let’s go, I’m tired” I switched to the passenger’s side in the rental I had. I can’t even remember why I had a rental, but I did and we were driving it to Pennsylvania for the weekend. Manny was from there and my grandma was there with my family for the summer. I hadn’t seen her in months so I was super excited.

He shook his head at me and went to grab his things. I had really been hanging out on campus with my girls just shooting the shit. I had finally come into my own. Manny’s clique was cool but I was now popular on my own now. I wasn’t the little shy girl I came into the city as, quite honestly my big head had gotten blown up. A lot of guys tried to date me, and they loved my little unique physique. For the time being I was a challenge, no one could say they had me, because I didn’t want anyone but Manny. But that was slowly drifting off. We had had sex by then and I think I expected fireworks. It was better than my first time because he was way more experienced. But I didn’t want to marry him and have beautiful babies after. I was actually okay with it. I did want a title though. And once I had even wrote him a four page later on why I needed one and swore he was getting cut off if my demands weren’t met. I was still single so you can guess how that went. Manny’s ex-girlfriend and high school sweetheart went to our college too, and for a while I was extremely insecure about her. But they only chatted on campus, she was never around the house so I soon let it go and took us for whatever we were. I sure as hell didn’t know. I can’t remember us actually going out on dates or anything back then.

Like now, I was meeting his family this weekend, for what?

 I mean he would see mines too, but that’s no big deal to me. I met his mom and sisters, and nieces and nephews that weekend, and he hung out with my family and we had a good time, but Manny was slowly turning me off.

He didn’t work, and I never thought about how he paid his bills. He approached me tho and I soon found out how Manny stayed afloat in life. I had gotten a refund check back for the semester. About $6500!

Now for those of you who aren’t familiar, a refund check is a college students gift and curse, if it’s from a loan, it’s fun when you get it. But when Sallie Mae calls you ARE going to pay it back and it WILL be with interest. I had long decided I’d cross that bridge when I got to it. I had Louis Vuitton bags and shoes, Gucci bags, Marc Jacobs, and any other hot item I normally couldn’t buy on my own in my closet. My country behind had become a little fashion icon. My friends loves to play in my stuff but I was smaller than all of them so they didn’t have a lot of options. And I hated sharing anyway. I was selfish I’ll admit. Im JUST now growing out of this in negative trait in 2015.

Any who Manny came to me one day and asked if I wanted him to “flip it” for me. Like he always made me feel I was confused. He explained he basically could take my money and double it thru pharmaceutical sales. So maybe I was still a little naïve. But doubling anything seemed ok with me.  I didn’t give him the whole thing but I think I gave him like $500. He made it sound super simple and said I would have $1000.00 in just a few weeks.

Until this day I haven’t received it back -_-.

 Instead all summer, he funded me with whatever I wanted here and there, trips home, food, plenty pocket money, gas, anything I expressed I needed. I should have asked was this supposed to be installments or what. I needed my flip money.

Soon Manny and me fell off altogether. It was back to the beginning, I’d be at his house and see him but I no longer spoke. I was over it. I think that turned me off knowing what he did and how he tried to play me, coupling the fact that I felt like he owed me money. He probably hated that me and his friends had our own relationships. By now I was like a little sister, so I guess he just accepted it, who cared.

 

Lucky for me this is where Eden came in, even tho Eden had been around somewhat. Eden and Manny knew OF each other and had similar friends but they weren’t friends. Eden had been chasing me since Freshman year, but it was definitely a Steve Urkel and Laura Winslow relationship, except he wasn’t goofy. He was a chubby, cute, well dressed, New Yorker, he just got on my nerves. I played cat and mouse with him well into Fall of that year. Eden probably is the one who started me with this gift taking thing from guys, when y’all called me a gold digger (I didn’t forget!). I didn’t have to do anything he just liked me so much he did whatever I wanted.

 

Can you get my hair done?

My nails?

My phone bill needs paid.

I need gas.

Let’s go out to eat!

Can you buy me these jeans?

 

Whatever my bratty tail asked for Eden made it happen, he was obsessed with fashion just as much as me. He would tell all my friends how much he adored me, and how mean I was, and what can I say, eventually my guard came down and I was feeling him, like genuinely into him and not what he could do FOR me anymore. And that’s how I came began a relationship with my future college sweetheart and my first true love.

Flashback to Manny

August 2003

 

I was a freshman in college. I had about 2 “friends” and I use the term loosely. Two girls I had met over the summer at orientation. I hadn’t met Dani or Wendy or anyone yet so other than that I was in this new big city ALONE. And to top it off my mom had lied and said freshman couldn’t have their cars. They could. So here I was in the cafeteria scrunching my face up at the food options.

 

I had no clue who was going to be my new hair stylist here so to preserve my hairstyle, I hate to admit that I was wearing a scarf on my head (I know better now). It was rainy out that day so I had my reasons. I decided on the dry looking pizza and carried my tray to an empty table, trying to go unnoticed, I def want looking my best. The other 2 girls were still in line. I considered myself way too decent to eat any more then what was necessary to live off of here, so pizza would suffice.

 

 I found a seat in the crowded cafeteria and was thinking about how much I needed my car when I noticed someone approaching my area. It was a guy. Why was he walking this way? Why had I worn a scarf? Was I in his seat? Did I look like someone he knew? Of course not Jaycee, you looked a mess, so why was he coming over period?

 

“Can I sit here?” this guy with a little beard asked. I looked around at all the other free seats and wondered why the hell he had ventured my way.

 

“No” I simply said and picked at my food. I was super shy and super inexperienced. I didn’t know if I should be flirting or what but I could only be me.

 

“No?”, he laughed, “Well that’s rude”  andhe sat down anyway.

 

“So leave then” I gave him the answer to the problem. This was too much for me already, too much thinking. I don’t know what I was being such a bitch. My mouth was ALWAYS that smart. It just flowed out naturally. Luckily he found it cute. We bantered back and forth until my friends showed up and then he found his way back to this rowdy bunch of clearly popular college kids in the middle of the café.

 

“Whose that?” one of my friends asked intrigued

.

“Just some guy, I guess” I stared out into the floor and bit my pizza. Not too bad. Him, I’m referring too, the pizza was awful!

 

Him = Manny. Manny grew on me, he was an upper classmen like I guessed, and apparently very known throughout campus, along with his clique. He didn’t have a car back then, but his friends did, and they lived off campus. So Manny started to come get me and I would hang out with him all the time, having the time of my life. We never did anything sexual tho, I guess he knew I was young and naïve.

 

But one morning I thought he was going to try and panicked. I had rolled over on his side of the bed when he got up and saw condoms on the floor…… why were those out? I jumped up and threw my clothes on before he came back. He looked confused when he came back but he took me back to campus and we didn’t speak on it. I’m sure he was use to me being a weirdo at time by now.

 

Manny moved that next semester into another apartment, this time with 2 of his friends. I was there a TON, even when he wasn’t. I had my car by then and me and his roomates (Todd and Tim) were tight. Todd was super smart, and we studied heavy together, and he was genuinely a nice guy. Manny was still cool, but he wasn’t looking for a girlfriend, and even tho I was completely smitten with him I would soon learn life is cruel and boys are meanies.

 

One day I was taking a shower, and Manny got inside with me, you want to see pure terror? You should have seen me, no guy had EVER seen me in all my glory at this point. I bird bathed it and literally broke my neck hopping out. I had always been extremely self conscious. I had a nice physique but it still was a lot for me when it came to guys. I often told my friends and Kendall “I should have been whores like y’all in high school and I wouldn’t have these problems!” Jokes people! Sorta.

 

Anywho, a few weeks later I was getting ready to leave and Manny stopped me. “Jayce…….. babe Idk if you should stay over anymore until you are ready?”

 

Naïve Jaycee didn’t get that. Ready for what? I always stayed over. “Ummmmm I thought I was?” I looked confused as ever I’m sure.

 

“No I mean READY” he said it slower as if they explained it any better. But it did. I nodded my head and went to my campus apartment. I was not ready to have sex with Manny. I had JUST lost my virginity my freshman year to my high school sweetheart and honestly I felt the whole thing was overrated. I had cried afterwards because I had ruined my perfect image and “saving myself for marriage”. Yep I was such a dramatic. Life changed for me after I couldn’t stay at Manny’s with him anymore. I hung out with Todd and Tim at the apartment, hoping to run into him, but it was very rare I did. And eventually I gave up, when he started flat out ignoring me.

 

I couldn’t go home one of the semester breaks I had because I found out I had to get cysts removed from my ovaries. It was outpatient surgery and my roomie was going to be able to take me and bring me home, but she was going to have to leave the next day. Who the fuck was going to baby me? Todd and Tim were staying in town but I didn’t feel comfortable staying there and it wasn’t with Manny, that was pushing it, plus he had said I couldnt. So the first two days I slumped around feeling sorry for myself and eating raw cookie dough. My phone rang and I was surprised to see it was Manny.

 

“Pack your stuff, I’m coming to get you” he ordered.

 

“For what?” eff him as far as I was concerned.

 

“You are staying here the rest of the break, there’s always someone here, I can’t believe you wouldn’t tell me what was going on” he sounded pissed.

 

“I can’t stay there, I’m not “ready”” I was being sarcastic but he had been a douche so so what.

 

“Jaycee, get ya shit together, I’ll be there in a few” and he hung up.

 

I packed my stuff. Quickest I’d moved in days. And we played house for the next month, and all was well again. I was all healed up from my surgery, and I got to thinking maybe it wasn’t all about sex to him afterall. Maybe I was ready to make that next move with Manny. In my head having sex meant we would be in a relationship. I was experience enough that I could just bang someone and that be that. I was a late bloomer, so of course I’m thinking maybe he’s the one and we should seal the deal. But how did I know to him it wasn’t just sex? I know he cared about me, but honestly he was a young popular guy, I was a naïve country girl. This could get messy. How messy was the question…………… I’d soon find out.

Crushing

Whosever idea it was to drink liquor that early was a plum fool. I broke away from college crush and rushed over to my friends.

“You are so fake Jen! How can you stand there and not even defend me! You KNOW what happened!” My friend Kate was screaming. The music was so loud that the majority of the people hadn’t noticed, but the ones near us did.

 I grabbed Kate and figured this was about a situation that they had been bickering about earlier. Jen had heard a rumor that Kate had been sleeping around with this guy. We are grown so what’s the big deal right?

Well Kate was dating his best friend! So when the best friend heard it he went off on Kate and dumped her. He didn’t tell her why until a few weeks ago. Kate remembered what Jen had heard and put 2 and 2 together that the guy had been spreading a lie. So of course, we end up seeing him at Homecoming and drunk Kate decides to confront him. It seemed to be going good, until he flat out denied it and insisted Kate just wanted an excise to talk to him.  Jen was right there and could have spoken up but didn’t. Sound like high school to you yet? lol This really happened with 30+ year olds tho!

I pulled Kate away from the crowd to calm down. “I’m not drunk Jaycee I’m pissed. Everyone is thinking Im this slut who slept with two friends and its not true. Jen didn’t have my back at all and let him call me a liar!” Kate cried.

“I get it, I really do” I tried my best not to giggle, it wasn’t funny, I was just feeling tipsy and giggly, “but maybe she was scared Kate, everyone isn’t  as forceful as you, she even looks scared now!” Jen wasn’t my friend. I knew her thru Kate and she really didn’t care for me so I had no clue why I was saving her tail. Dani came over and together we calmed everyone down, but the night was ruined. I went to grab the rest of the group and College Crush grabbed me.

“So should I get a hotel later, I didn’t plan on staying but I saw you and……………………” his sentence trailed off. I nodded and grabbed my group. I took 10 steps before I decided my heels had defeated me. It was now 8p.m I had strutted long enough. Wendy pulled out sneakers and we found out way to the vehicles.

What I thought was me sobering up was another turn up session for me. We were supposed to be heading home to go out for the night. Apparently I told Dani plans were cancelled, made her take me to get 40 nuggets from McDonalds, and passed out  on her couch all before 9. I ruined everyone’s night. I have that ring leader thing going on so since I didn’t go no one did.

I jumped up around 1:30 fully dressed and out of my mind. I grabbed my phone. I remembered I was supposed to hang out with College Crush. No missed calls from him and no text. The fuck had happened? There were plenty from Derek, who I replied “I’m sleep” and some other randoms who didn’t matter. I was pissed, maybe he had went out after all and forgot about me. I kicked off my shoes and sneakers, and passed back out. My phone went off around 4:30 a.m.

 

College Crush: Babe you up, I was knocked out, I just woke up

Me: -_-

CC: No really, did you go out?

Me: No I was knocked out before 9.

He decided to call me after that  ad we talked for about an hour, he was at his friend’s house who I was close to. They were 3 or 4 years older than me but we hung tight in college. I stayed friends with his friends even after we didn’t work out because they were just so darn cool.

“Come over Jace” he said into the phone.

“Its 5:30 in the morning!” I said.

“You want me to come get you? You know I will” he asked.

“No makes no sense, it’s just late…….” But I was thinking hard.

“Get up and get over here Jaycee you haven’t even seen my new spot, and you not going back to sleep this late anyway!” his friend said in the background.

He was right I was wide awake. So I grabbed all my stuff, suitcase and all. I was still in my Saturdays clothes. I nudged Wendy to tell her but she was half sleep. I got there by 6 a.m. and the darn sun was coming up. They were wide awake. I took a grand tour and then made myself comfy. I felt like I did 12 years ago when we were finally alone. Then it happened…………….

P.S Next post I'm going to go back in time to college and explain how we met and our background, I loved him lol. As if I don't love them all right!